When I was in elementary school, because we were in French Immersion (FI), our class was definitely a target for bullies. Other students would taunt us with names like, “French Fries”, “Frogs”, “Grenouilles”, “Poodles”, etc. My male FI classmates would have it worse by being dumped in school yard garbage cans and having their heads used as toilet brushes – if they were caught by other non-FI male bullies.
All laughter aside, we got through it by supporting each other, and not in so many words, telling our bullies to “talk to the hand”. It was a rough time, but I think it helped me to stand up for myself!
Admittedly, the taunts that kids face today are worse than those that I went through. And now they have the added dimension of having cell phones and being “connected” on social networks.
I certainly don’t want to make light of things, but why can’t these victims turn-off their phones, “x” those pages of taunts, stand up to their bullies &/or talk to a trusted adult?
r u serious? french emersion? i was thinking of transferring my son from french school to french emersion but not after reading ur horrible experience, my God , does bullying reach this level? why the school staff wont do anything to them when they r informed? i believe it is not hard to figure out who are the bullies? why not suspending them for sometime for example? that’s just so worrying sending ur child and don’t know what they go throgh
I’m not sure I would call it an “epidemic” of suicide.
Children can be cruel but part of the responsibility lies on the parents they need to reinforce with their children that it is not acceptable to be cruel. It is also important that parents punish their children appropriately when they find out their child is being a bully.
But I’m aware that children often hide a lot of things from their parents. A bullied child may not want to say anything to their parents about it.
Yes yes a big part of the responsibility lies with the school but an equally huge part lies with the parents
Not sure what French Immersion, but growing up in the UK I was bulled so bad. And even if you close the message, delete it, you have still read it, and even the toughest of kids can take it to heart when people tell them they are worthless. I probably cried myself to sleep for about 2 years because I felt so alone. People always say, thanks to the bullies I am now stronger etc, but honestly, I disagree. It doesnt make you stronger, it makes me sit down and cry about how horrible my life was from 14 – 16, and I wasnt even one of the “bullied” kids.
Re: french immersion
Everyone’s experience is different. When I was in french immersion, my class was full of the ‘cool’ kids – lots of jocks and our class picked up all the annual sports and student leadership awards. The teasing & bullying was of some of the kids in the English stream, not the immersion kids.
Don’t hold your kids out of french immersion just because of one person’s experience – you never know what the situation will be, and it changes from year to year and group to group.
As for the bullying epidemic, I think because of our online life, bullying feels much more permanent to kids – with an online record it feels more like it can follow you for the rest of your life, you don’t have the same chance to start new that kids often get moving from one grade to another, one school to another, or moving on to university with a new group. Old bullying could be discovered by new peers because of things like facebook.
When we failed to ingrain in our kids, “treat other people like you woould lited”.
When we failed to ingrain in our kids, “treat other people like you would like to be treated”.
This is a heartbreaking reality – as both a child and parent. I think children honestly feel quite confused by a bully – and terrified. I also think it is very difficult to stand up to people – it’s still hard, as an adult! Really, you just want to walk away.
The best we can do as teachers & parents, and adults in the lives of the children we know is to keep the windows of communication REALLY open…and ask them as casually as possibly about their day(s)…I think we all need to feel a serious responsiblity to the children, the most vulnerable, in our society. As an Aunt, Uncle, parent, grandparents…we all have children in our lives. LEt’s be the one person they can always go to…it’s the lonliness that makes these situations be taken to another level.
I also want to add that both my children are in French Immersion coincidentally – and that was not a factor at all. The factor I think is that Bullies breed Bullies and they are among us all – young or old
I was in French Immersion and was never bullied. I have an alomst 3 year old son who is being bullied in daycare. He’s being called names and picked on and when I approached the daycare owner she said it’s just boys being boys. The parent of the bullies actually approached me last week and told me I have a violent kid becuase my son scrathced her son. I told her what has been happening and she said they’re just “spirited boys”. Needless to say we have pulled our son out of the daycare and are looking for a new one.
I know there are all sorts of stories out there about bullies but what gets me is the ages of them. They are getting younger and younger now.
I think the problem stems back to the parents. When parenting lacks, kids can try to find an outlet in different ways. Some bully. Some recluse. Either of those can be those you speak of who are potentially suicidal.
Many people think parenting is just feeding your children, and dressing them. Get up, ship them off to the babysitter, pick them up, feed them, bathe them, put them to bed. Thats not parenting, but sadly it is how many kids are raised these days. Whether it be due to rising financial distress in the world, or just parents who shouldnt have become parents, more and more kids are resorting to being little poopers to other kids in order to receive attention. Even negative attention from Mom and Dad is still attention.
I plan to raise my kids (currently raising) to be accepting of all, and never to resort to bullying. In this though, I need them to understand that it is NOT okay to be pushed around/bullied, and I would rather you end up in the principals office for standing up for yourself, than cowering in a corner taking crap from the school bully.
I think the french immmersion thing was your personal experience, not overall french immersion.
Here the bullying was in highschool. Kids were just plain nasty.
Yeah I was also in French Immersion and we were never bullied…Everyone got along well from elementary to high school and I don’t even live in a small town. I agree with ppl who say it goes back to the parents. I can’t believe how much kids misbehave these days without any sort of punishment. I hear 5 year old kids swearing and calling their mothers ‘bitches’ and they don’t get disciplined…Once, I even heard the grownups laughing cuz they thought it was hilarious that the kid was swearing..This is what comes of a society that praises bad/unacceptable behaviours (as epitomized by reality tv shows).
I was bullied in Grade 1 back in Ukraine when we lived there. Beaten up every day by a boy who did karate after school – my mother had to come in and have a talk with him, our teacher & his mom. It all got resolved in the end, but it is terrible to be on the receiving end 🙁
Bullying maybe only catergorized as worse because there is media spin on it…what about hitler and his great plan to end world full of jewish people…he was a bully…a big bully…we went to war to free those people who were made to starve or even be burned up in giant showers/ovens. Then later down the road there has been colombine teenage kids who got victiumized day in and day out from elementary school to high school until they made a pact to end it all for their bullies.
That was all over the media the lockdowns at high schools were immense I remember swat teams walking through my hallways busting anyone using anything to resemble a sword or gun or just a plain weapon. I remember walking through metal dectectors and being searched because I had a metal pencil that contains lead that you click down upon.
I remember my bullies well…but I also remember my Dry Grad when all my bullies came up to me and appologized for their actions towards me. That took guts you never know what people are like until they surprise you…and I had it rough…through my years it took me almost several years to be able to go out into public for the fear of the constant humuliation that seemed immenate. It took me 3 years to go back into my high school after i graduated even though I had walked passed it almost everyday to go to the bus stop to catch a bus.
Bullies come in all shapes and forms and sometimes they show up at your work place…and they bully people there. They may even pick you as a target…thinking your an easy target.
Whatever may be the case people can be so cruel sometimes and other times they can be so geninue and nice. Its all about the environment they were raised in and how they were treated as a child and the environment they are now in…There is lots of bullies out there just less and less people are being marked in media to be standing up to them…even countries can be considered to be bullies in foreign power.
Gorwing up I was teased bad because I was the fat kid. Thankfully my parents raised me to ignore their comments. I also was lucky to have a great group of friends that made the bullies not important.
I have seen what current bullies are like and wow, all I can say is it is disgusting. How can kids be so hurtful? Do we blame parents? TV? Society? All of the above? No idea but it needs to stop.
I’m really not surprised that the author that needed to be held back by her boyfriend for nearly verbally assaulting a woman for letting her child have an unpaid for baked good in a grocery store would be so clueless as to why it’s not always easy for children to just “x” the page, or turn off their phones or tell an adult. Stephania, your collection of writings is just another form of bullying. You use SmartCanucks as a place to express your judgmental opinions. You have openly admitted to not having children and to even wanting children. You would never understand that as much as a parent “parents”, or is involved, reads them stories, is there after school to bake, plays board games, listens. asks questions, puts them in activities, is loving and encouraging, that some children out there haven’t found their voice yet.
I’m shocked that this “article” sparked so much debate over French Immersion and not the actual TOPIC AT HAND, which is bullying.
Agree – Janie!
Stephania does seem like a realllly harsh person.
Very often, the bullies are ones who have more “social power” and more “social back up”, so how can the bullied child/teen really fight back? Do you ever see a “less popular” kids bully a popular kids? No……
Since when did it become the victims responsibility to not be victimized?
Janie – I could not agree more!
I am a mother of four children. My daughter in grade 11 was bullied every day last year at a Catholic school. She was raised to turn the other cheek, If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing. And treat others the way you want to be treated!
That being said she has suffered badly at the hand of bullies. The high school girls are terrible and unrelenting. I check my daughter’s facebook daily, we have a very open relationship and she tells me everything. She is popular but not in the “most popular” group at school and teasing and bullying never stop! She may be an easy target as she does not stick up for herself but being an easy target does Not give others the right to bully her.
Last year in her religion class she was made fun of and bullied about being American and that all American’s are red necks and carry guns. All Americans like killing people and talking stupid. She tried to stand up for herself when they called her a “F’n” American and the teacher sent her to the office for yelling at the other kids and solved the problem by taking my daughter out of her class and having her work alone in a seperate room for the reaminder of the school year. It was DISGUSTING and the school would do nothing to help me!
Subsequently, she spent a great deal of time and money in psychiatric care and in the hospital this past year!
Like a previous poster said parents need to parent and not just feed and clothe their children and think that is enough! Be there, listen and help your kids, check up on them and make sure they are not a bully or being bullied. And we all need to teach our children that bullying is not ok and punish them when they are the bullies!!
I think a huge difference between bullying now and even bullying 15 years ago is the internet. I know that when I was younger, home was my safe place where you could get away from the taunting and bullying of the schoolyard and classroom. However, with the internet today, social networking (facebook, twitter, myspace, etc) allows bullying to follow you home, and takes on a life of its own online… And for me at least, it’s one thing to be called a name – it’s another to see it written in black and white in front of your face, especially in the ‘safe zone’ that is supposed to be your home. I don’t know, I just feel like even if the incidences of bullying haven’t increased (and I’m not sure of the stats on that one), the fact that it can now take on so many forms, and that kids effectively can’t find a safe haven away from it, takes a much larger toll on the child, through no fault of their own. Repetition ingrains things, good and bad, and if you hear that you’re dumb/ugly/whatever in class, on the playground, and then on your facebook wall or other website while at home, it really starts to sink in. I am very empathetic towards children experiencing bullying these days, and am quite disturbed that anyone would blame the victimized child for something that is being done TO them. While it seems that everyone gets teased at school, this should NOT be considered the norm, it should NOT be considered acceptable, and it should NOT be the victim’s responsibility to ‘buck up’. Fixing this problem lies with fixing the cause, and the attitudes expressed by those that are anything BUT supportive of victims can only be described as causative and supportive of bullying. I have no children, nor wish to have any, but parent status is irrelevant – humans should be treated as humans – all equal.
//end rant.
I was bullied from grade 1 until I left my high school to attend another school…I was lucky enough to have SEVERAL bullies who would attack me on their own or as a group, I was bullied because I developed before the other girls, a boy liked me and not them, I had 2 parents (my main bullies were being raised by single parents due to death) I woke up that morning who knows why I was the target..I didn’t stand up for myself and lived in constant fear. My bullies grew up to be nothing and have nothing but that is of no consolation to me. For the people who say it gets better, I say for some of us it doesn’t. I am a strong woman but when it comes to bullies I am not, and pray that I have never made another person feel as terrorized as I did/do.
My nephew was bullied in school, some younger kids use him as target practice for karate. After knowing this, my brother enrolled him into Taekwondo. Now I know violence does not solve anything but it’s a way to be more aggressive and learn to stand up for yourselves. I personally think it’s wrong for parents to teach their kids to “turn the other cheek” when being bully. Unless you stand up for yourself, the bullying WILL NEVER STOP. My parents are the same. They taught me if I treat people with respect, I will get treated the same. However that’s never the case, I was being walk over like a carpet my whole life.
I heard recently that Lady Gaga is lobbying to criminalize bullying in the states. Not sure if it is the right way to deal with this issue. I feel very bad for the kids who have to endure bullying. In my opinion teachers, parents and everybody is responsible for this. If you criticize, judge others or make fun of others in front of your children do not expect different. If your children is being bullied try to encourage them and point to them the many qualities they have and as someone said before just ignore the comment. Be present for your children not only to listen but also to mentor.
@Janie @Nic and @Julie It looks like you are the same person, or should I say the same bully. Simply said, you are an online bully because you you attack the author based on their previous post. It looks like you took that previous post very personally and it made you very resentful. This is wrong, because many parents agreed with Stephania in her article, and they argued that it sets a wrong example for the children by giving them something which was not paid for.
I enjoy reading Stephania’s posts as she promotes discussion. In this post she told her personal experience, and talked about an issue that is very relevant. As a matter of fact, before your angry comment, many other readers shared their bullying experience and talked about the issue. Furthermore, before your comments, nobody else attacked Stephania.
Moreover, just because somebody is not a parent, it does not mean that they are not entitled to express their own opinion.
Way too much focus on the victim. It is NOT the victim’s responsibility to figure out a way NOT to be bullied.
The message is wrong. We keep saying “Don’t be victimized”. The message needs to be:
DO NOT BULLY.
Bullies are often bullied by those closest to them, so expecting the parents to accept any responsibility for the little bully isn’t going to work very often.
In the adult world, there are more legalized words for bullying: harassment, assault, etc.
Should children be criminally charged with such things? I’m conflicted on this; if a child has been a bully for numerous years, has been informed of their behaviors and why they are wrong, at some point it IS harassment and/or assault.
I do believe that schools that are aware of harassment and assault issues should be held to a far higher legal obligation than they currently are. Workplaces in Canada are now; why shouldn’t a school be as well?
As far as why they don’t turn off the cell phone or “x” the post or website, there are two issues. First, no child should have isolate themselves because of a bully — this is victim responsibility again, and the problem is the bully (and those posts/messages are evidence of behaviour). Secondly, for a generation who is connected via such mediums, it really doesn’t occur to them to turn it off — it is how they stay connected with their friends — when I was a kid, I was harassed (and subsequently beaten up) at a dance, but I didn’t leave BECAUSE MY FRIENDS WERE THERE. Same theory applies with social media.
Social circles are incredibly important to this age group; the sociological implications of how they are connected is irrelevant to the actual bullying issue. If a bully wants to bully, they will do regardless of the medium.
The problem, in my opinion, is that we expect the schools to teach the children that bullying is bad, yet the adults, who are their role models, do not practice the art of non-bullying. Everywhere children are exposed to bullying type behaviours – sports, news, politics, etc. Many of the adults who speak out about the need to stop bullying are the same ones, that have no problem with bullying another adult. Why is it okay for the adults to participate in bullying type behaviour yet not accept it in children? If we truly want to stop bullying, the adults need to stop and look at their own behaviour…we cannot expect children to stop bullying if we adults are not willing to do so…we are their role models and need to start acting in an appropiate manner. The status quo of “do what I say and not what I do” is no longer acceptable if we want true change.
p.s. = not all adults participate in bullying behaviours but our kids are exposed to it everywhere.
@Villa225 I don’t need to create 3 different alias’ to make a point. I said my peace and it’s okay if 2 others agreed with me.
I am very open to discussion and different opinions. My forum reputation in that regard speaks for itself. If people didn’t have opposing opinions how would the world run? Not very creatively.
I did use that particular post from Stephania because I know it did have a lot of reads because it did create a huge discussion. Again my issue isn’t with the people within the post that have opposing views.
I encourage you to click on her name and read her previous blog posts. Not just 1 or 2, but if you truly are interested in why this blogger does strike a cord with people, read through the pages. Read it with an open mind. Not on her side or my side but just as a reader. You will soon discover that most of her posts are incredibly judgmental to things she does not agree with. Even her responses within the posts to other users are quite abrasive.
So the question is… Am I being the “cyber bully”? Or am I using my voice? I guess the answer would depend on which opinion you agree with.
With back to school Bullying is a very relevant topic. Too bad you only had to be completely negative Janie. I encourage you to read the topic at hand and not make it a personal attack on Stephania….. With such a topic too, it’s a shame.
Well, I grew up on an army base, and bullies were usually dealt with physically. The bullying always stopped. Nowadays kids are taught to tell an adult. That would have worked in my house too, because my dad would have spanked it out of me. Either way worked. That was almost 30 years ago though and things have changed.
But blaming the victims??? Really?? Easy to say the victim should just not listen, a lot harder to live it out.
An opinion is an opinion, agree with me or not, but this gangin’ up is I feel, a form of bullying!
It is not my problem if people pick out one thing, e.g. “French Immersion”, and run with it. That was not my point of the post, but I just wanted to emphasize that kids are smart they pick on people who are DIFFERENT. And it seems as though adults even get picked on by other adults whose views seem to differ from theirs.
Personally speaking, I wouldn’t take away any teasing that I endured ’cause I think it has built my character. I can defend myself – not just sit back and read these judgments about me as a person/my previous posts which have absolutely no baring on this current post!
SmartCanucks needs to stop letting these posts go through. I love this site for it’s great discussion about finding deals and coupons. If I wanted to read about bullying or other serious topics, I would not be on this website. Please take this comment seriously and consider not bringing up sensitive topics to this wonderful community.
i was bullied for several years. i eventually somehow got out of it and had the bullies apologise later on about what they did.to the OP
it isn’t so easy to just “x” out of a webpage or ignore.sometimes bullies are everywhere you turn.in my time i could just go home to escape.now you get bullying from all sides.if a person just didn’t go on the internet the bullies would win.that would be giving in to the bully and what they want.what bullies hate is being ignored.sometimes easier said than done.but why ruin your life for a bully? stand up and make them know you don’t care what they think or do.
parents need to fix what they are doing if their kid is a bully it usually means something is missing at home.it isn’t the geek,or the gothic person’s fault.it is the bully being lonely,maybe has a household where both the parents are gone,or parents with addiction,fighting,marriage issues.these bullies are calling out for help in ways they know how.
what i fear is the kids who get bullied and sit silently until they snap and pull a columbine.
bullies need help inside the home and the ones being teased need help too so they learn it isn’t their fault.
I respectfully disagree Sally. I am very much on topic. Stephania posts have caused a lot of heated agruements on here. Her blogs are very much judgmental and one sided. Her responses in the comments area are sarcastic and belittling to other users. Yet, she is on the front page of SmartCanucks. I am finding MY voice to say something about it.
It is very much a shame Sally. It’s such a shame that SmartCanucks not only continues to allow her judgmental blogs but also allows her to be down right rude to anyone who disagrees with her. Yet I’m the bully for standing up and saying something?
This debate right here is right on topic. Is she the bully? Or am I? Like I said before, I guess the answer depends on which side you are on.
But all it takes is to read her last question in the blog to know exactly what she is all about. And that’s fine. She can have her own opinion. It’s a SHAME SmartCanucks allows this though.
“I encourage you to click on her name and read her previous blog posts. Not just 1 or 2, but if you truly are interested in why this blogger does strike a cord with people, read through the pages. Read it with an open mind. Not on her side or my side but just as a reader. You will soon discover that most of her posts are incredibly judgmental to things she does not agree with. Even her responses within the posts to other users are quite abrasive.”
Wow Janie, you remember her previous posts and what she replied to others? Taking this a bit too seriously aren’t you?
So what if she is a big judgemental and why would anyone want to check out her previous posts?
Yes you are allowed to your opinion, but that doesn’t mean you have to be so negative about someone, even encouraging others to check what she’s written in the past. You appear to be a bully to me.
@Janie Do’t you think that you are being very judgmental and negative towards Stephania?
-Basically saying, how dare she to write about bullying when she previously wrote all those things…
-She does not have kids
-She does not want kids
However, she used to be a kid, and she was bullied herself. Although she does not have kids, maybe she has a niece or a nephew (or any other young relative) she cares about…
If you read the comments to this post, you will notice that they are stories of others’ about their experience. Some of the r had different view than Stephania, which is totally fine, but they were not making personal attacks based on previous posts and based on this judging the writer (which is essentially what you did).
tudorchick, I was going to say bullying breeds suicide and columbines, but figured people would crucify me for saying that Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were “victims” of bullying, but they were. This does not justify their horrendous actions it just makes it easier to understand.
@Chris
She is a frequent blogger which is how I can remember. I know Sally, Itsjustmebub, Jeo as well because I read smartcanucks. So of course I remember what they post. It’s like remembering any type of writers name, especially when they cause controversy.
The reason I do care is because I love SmartCanucks. What I don’t love is the judgmental blogs posts on the front page. It’s a great community but the blog topics are at times going too far and it’s representing us as a community.
Yes I realize I don’t have read it. But we can’t always look the other way before saying something.
If this was right after a post that was very controversial then I could see the relation between the posts, but I truly just see it as a post. It has nothing to do with her posts or peoples comments.
I read it for what it was, bullying in schools.
I didn’t read into as her being personal to other readers. I have kids in school and took it for what it was worth.
🙂 Well agree to disagree.
@Janie Don’t you think that you are being very negative towards Stephania ? you are attacking her previous posts and the fact she does not have children. All those things are not relevant to this post.
Based on the others comments, it looks that Stephania engaged the readers with her post. In fact, some told their personal experience with bullying. At the same time there were people who had different views, but they did not make personal attacks and judged the writer of the post based on their previous writings.
I can assure you I’m a completely separate person to Janie.
My first thought when I read the blog post was that it is very naive to think a child being bullied can just not open emails, look at comments etc etc. But it’s not that easy, especially for a child who cannot be as logical as an adult. I think if just ignoring bullies was that easy, bullying wouldn’t be the terrible, gut-wrenching problem it is.
I feel sick at the thought of my child encountering a bully when he gets older. I hope that if he was bullied, he would be able to come to me but I was bullied as a child and didn’t feel able to tell my parents for a long time because I was scared it would make everything worse.
I generally don’t post comments on Stephania’s posts because I generally find her frame of reference and opinions on things are a million miles away from my own.
I love using this site and have saved tons of money but I don’t like that any criticism of Stephania’s (often controversial) posts is immediately jumped upon.
Great post, Stephania, and thanks for bringing this topic up.
Your point about being connected via social networks, iPhones, chat rooms, etc. made me realize it is probably even worse for kids now than it was in my day. But – in the best-case scenario – those very resources could be used as an escape from the torture – allowing kids to socialize in groups that do not know them personally, and thus haven’t marked them as “different”.
I don’t know if it is an “epidemic”…maybe we are just paying attention and finally taking this seriously? Twenty years ago, nobody ever spoke up and said bullying was a problem (and it most definitely was).
I think that if “parent” needs to grow up. Listening to one strangers story and basing a decision for your child on it, then to go blaming people for not doing something is plain immature and ridiculous. Seriously, it’s one person’s story. Better sit and think like an adult and make rational decisions rather than overreacting and blaming everyone else who had nothing to do with her situation. Using blanket statements only stirs a pot that’s not very productive. Course, if you really believe you can protect your child in a little bubble by keeping them out of french, by all means… lol
Bullying was just as big of problem when I was growing up, the social networks are just making it easier. When I was a child I was bullied lots, from taunting to physical bullying. I will never forget being held down by three boys while they broke chunks of hard snow over my head. I work in a school now and I’m always looking out for kids being bullied. I know what I went through has made me the person I am today but it was rough at the time.
Stephania, it’s not as easy as you think, sure they can turn off the phone or delete people who are bullying them but they can’t get away from the person. They still have to go to school everyday and see them. I was bullied long before social networking came into play. In the incident I mentioned above, they came to my street where my friends and I played. Sometimes it’s not that easy to get away from it. Kids are cruel and it sucks if you’re different in anyway.
Just a question as I don’t normally read this section, WHY is it one person is blogging on a coupon/savings website and creating conversation – shouldn’t this be in a separate section at the very least? I’m here to find deals, not read about bullying. Just a statement, and as I am fairly new to smart canucks, I am wondering why there are topics of conversation on the front page of a couponing site?
There is a powerful book written by Jodi Picoult called “19 Minutes” that every parent/teen should read. It deals with the bullying of a young boy from a very young age through highschool. It is heartbreaking and the outcome is tragic.
I don’t know anything about French Immersion schools. But bullying occurs everywhere.
As parents, aunts/uncles, siblings, grandparents, and so on, we must be the role models for our children. Teach them proper behaviours and how to cope. Just make sure home is their safe place. I really recommend to provide them with nice clothes and whatever things, so they feel good about themselves – it really helps. Communication is really important. Also, always and constantly tell them you love them, these words really matter! and it’s never to late.
We desperately need a higher involvement from teachers and principals. They are usually at the site of bullying and the nearest adults.
(I’m very disappointed in highschool teachers). This needs to change.
You know how having a work PDA is like never leaving work? You know how being on facebook is like always having your friends around you?
Well it’s probably pretty similar with school kids.
Bullying isn’t just physical, it’s psychological.
The bullies need to be punished. But it’s not easy…. Focus is on the victims because on a certain level, nothing can be done to stop bullying. (You can’t force everyone to be friends. Reality isn’t like that)
Sometimes the kids themselves make it worse. Sometimes they don’t understand how to interact socially and they create problems… even among kids who try to be friendly with them. (I experienced this one personally. A kid in Grade 5/6 who I played with would just freak out sometimes.)
(Continued from above)
He freaked out a bunch of times so we started avoiding him…. he saw it as bullying.
I’ve also been on the other end of it. I basically did nothing and said nothing when I was 5 starting at a new daycare. One of the kids poisoned everyone else against me and they all picked on me, even the girls. I was strong willed even as I took punishment, and when Grade 1 started I even became friends with a bunch of them. Kids are just smaller adults. Adults can be just as mean.
I’m definitely not against “off topic” blog posts or any kind of post not just about coupons or deals… but I think there is still a line to watch, so it isn’t crossed. I think Smart Canucks is a great, very helpful and even family friendly site. It’s a great place where people can make friends, learn, express themselves and save money.
I think when someone posts an opinion blog it will definitely spark both positive and negative comments, and it has to be accepted just as much as the original opinion. Everyone is allowed to feel how they want about any given topic posted here, and everyone is allowed to decide if they like a certain blogger or not. There has to be respect and no bad language used, of course, but EVERYONE should be allowed to have their say. This format allows for discussion, so I think it’s unfair to get angry or dismissive of someone who posts that they strongly disagree with the original poster. I completely understand that some would feel defensive or protective of the bloggers here, but then there also has to be a neutral party here who can respect both sides of the argument. I think that’s been the problem in these discussions.
I think the topic of bullying is very relevant and I think it’s good and fair for people to share their stories and discuss it. I personally don’t agree with the original poster, and even feel the last statement comes off in a controversial sort of way. That being said, I think it’s up to the people in charge of this site to choose what content they want on their site and what they feel is relevant and good for the site, and it’s users. It’s their right and I would respect the decision whether I agreed or not.
I’m a supporter and a great fan of Smart Canucks and I think the opportunity for discussion here is fantastic, but the respect has to go both ways.
Janie is a bully and is just stirring s#it because she likes to pick on Stephania. You are too paranoid. Get over yourself.
Are you serious??? ” but why can’t these victims turn-off their phones, “x” those pages of taunts, stand up to their bullies &/or talk to a trusted adult?” The blog posting is summed up by blaming the victim….which shows very little understanding of what children go through when they become a target of this unacceptable behaviour.
Anyone heard the news last night about the 11 year old boy in Pickering, who suffered from MS, was bullied at school and has committed suicide. So sad.
I think a key is to keep communication open with your kids. You need to be aware rather it’s your child who does the bullying or is the one being bullied. Myself have been bullied at school but i choose to just ignore it and it eventually stopped. My two sons has been bullied, but luckily we have established a strong communication between us and i was able to find out about each incident before it got out of hand. It is also important to build up the confidence and self-esteem in your kids so they won’t be as affect and will be able to stand up for themselves. They also need re-enforcement to know all the options they can do when they are in a situation where they are being bullied. Often times, they are too afraid to speak up but i reassure them that i will speak for them, either to the school or to the bullies’ parents if they want me to. I often tell them that if we don’t do anything then the bullying will continue, even when it’s not with them, but it will with other kids.
Call me old fashioned, but my kids do not social network or even email with their friends. They only communiate by talking on the phone or face to face. I don’t see the need for them to even have a phone except for emergency and calling home. If you choose to let your child into this form of networking, then more policing need to be done on your part.
On the first day of school this year, a father in my hometown walked into his 11 year old son’s room to wake up him for school to find that his 11 year old son with muscular dystrophy had suffocated himself to death with a plastic bag because he was constantly bullied for his disability.
Why don’t you go ask his parents why they didn’t teach him to just “x” the page.
There’s a major difference between certain forms of bullying. When it’s things that aren’t directly YOU, or things you can change, perhaps it’s easier to ignore or overcome. Being bullied because of the school program you’re in by choice is probably a lot easier to deal with than it is to deal with constant harassments for things you can’t control and are already struggling with such as being gay, or in the case I just mentioned, being disabled.
When kids get bullied at home (by parents or siblings) they will do the same at school. Kids don’t usually listen to their parents, they do want the parents do. There are so many bullies on the street, at work. That’s just part of the community and society.
To Villa – I am certainly not the same person a these other two people, but I will say that I agree with them and find that they have stated their opinion respectfully and thoughtfully.
“@Janie @Nic and @Julie It looks like you are the same person, or should I say the same bully. Simply said, you are an online bully because you you attack the author based on their previous post. It looks like you took that previous post very personally and it made you very resentful. This is wrong, because many parents agreed with Stephania in her article”
I feel that Stephania, based on her postings, seems to have a very harsh and judgemental outlook. I am entitled to my opinion, just as she is entitled to hers.
I think that putting the onus on bullied children not to be bullied, and to support this with stating that since she was able to stand up to people and she is fine etc. is harsh. Not everyone has a strong personality, good support at home, or enough self confidence to do this.
Janie aka nic aka Julie = so sad that you have to attack a Smart Canucks writer, is this the only way you can feel good about your pathetic self?
No fighting and name calling please.
kind of ironic that this very post about bullying turned into bullying.check the definition in the dictionary.
i agree with lady di and emmie though. it seems almost as if,maybe not meant,but alot of the blame is going towards the bully.kind of a “deal with it” statement.
maybe it wasn’t meant that way but that is how i,a former taunted kid from elementary until finally high school saw more maturity,that it isn’t always just sweep under the rug or x out of a page to be ok.like i said before what good would that do if not make the bullies know they won and seek a more physical way of taunting you.bullying needs to stop at home,with the parents paying attention and loving their kids.if the bully has a life that is whole and complete there is no need to bully.my bully admitted she bullied me because i had a two parent household and she was a product of fighting and divorce.nothing to do with me she said.we are friends now.
Okay honestly, now i’m angry about what’s happening here in this discussion. How on earth is it okay for L6941 to have posted this(comment #52):
“Janie is a bully and is just stirring s#it because she likes to pick on Stephania. You are too paranoid. Get over yourself, p***!”
LAST NIGHT and yet here it still is in the discussion not at all censored or removed at 3:05pm pacific time??
To me this is absolutely not okay and I can’t believe it’s being allowed. I’ve never voiced any problems here before, and I’ve always had respect for how things are run, but this is not what I would expect from this site.
People have a right to live without being terrorized emotionally or physically. Victims should not be blamed for not being able to ignore it. Why shouldn’t the onus be on teachers and parents to STOP the bullying and punish or stop the perpetrators of this cruel and antisocial behaviour?
It sounds like the author had a rough experience, but having the support of her classmates who were all being bullied probably helped tremendously. If you are a lone target, depression, anxiety, and suicide can become very real thoughts and options. I pray that my son does not have to suffer this, that he will speak to me if there are problems, and that we will somehow find resolution. I also intend to take swift action if I find out that HE is a bully.
Thank you Star for not only noticing but for also saying something. I noticed but didn’t want to continue to argue about this and be labeled the bully. I guess the word “***” is acceptable here, which is shocking.
The original post itself irked me, but allowing L6941 comments to remain on here speaks volumes. My posts have to wait for moderation now, why doesn’t this L6941’s?
yes i am shocked that the original post about bullying turned into all out name calling.we are adults most of us,aren’t we? i am sure as such we can agree to disagree…
Some of these responses, I agree, are pretty ironic: Getting bullied, based on a post about bullying. So let me just clarify that neither myself, nor Smart Canucks, condones the name-calling as a result.
I don’t appreciate people misreading, putting words into my mouth that I “blame” the victims. What an inane statement! I am simply asking a genuine question that I want some insight into: What makes bullying now, different/worse than it was when I experienced it, the internet?
Stephania your question you asked was not the genuine question you just asked. It was:
“why can’t these victims turn-off their phones, “x” those pages of taunts, stand up to their bullies &/or talk to a trusted adult?”
This is the point I have been trying to make. If you wrote in the way you just replied with, the comments would be more than likely filled with insight and experiences. Instead your posts come across as judgmental and insensitive. I don’t mean this in name calling way, but the way you spun your supposed question is exactly why people get annoyed.
I had to stop reading half way through (I will go back) because I cannot stand all of you trying to say that the message is ‘don’t be victimized’ and that the poster is saying it’s the victim’s fault because they don’t just try and shut it out. You’re right, it shouldn’t be happening. Bullying should stop. However to compare oneself to other humans and perhaps to judge them harshly to make oneself feel better is something engrained in the human condition, it is a coping mechanism for emotional survival. Anyone who watches an entertainment rag show or reality shows is guilty of these thoughts, so don’t try and say you’re above it. We’ve all done it and we don’t realize that children pick up the attitude from us. Most people are too self absorbed these days (also the result of cell phones and social media, as much as you love it and I loathe it, it’s where people go to be famous in their own little world, it’s where everyone can look at you and follow what you’re doing, and if you use it you use it for that reason. There are serious pitfalls to that, ask any celebrity.)
For children and especially teens it takes learning (and being taught) that to harm another with these thoughts is wrong. Unfortunately most parents are either unaware or don’t care that their children are bullies, and don’t want to face it so they make excuses. I am a victim of bullying, in the ‘Mean Girls’ style of terrorizing (although less comical and with no cumuppance in the end for the bullies) and my parents met with the bullies parents and they said they’d stop it but in the end (and I think this is true of most cases, so parents take heed) the bullies came back at me worse for getting them in trouble and in the end I just stopped telling my parents about it, because I didn’t want it to get any worse.
Eventually they left me alone and unlike another commenter on here, I did find comfort in the fact that they all ended up going nowhere and unfortunately a lot of them teen mothers (repeating the cycle with their kids as we speak I’m sure). I don’t think there is a solution to it in the end. Bad parents beget bad kids, and they pick on others because their parents pick on them. Everyone is in denial about it and unless the people witnessing it call it out and everyone stands around and tells the child AND parents that this is wrong (proof always helps), it will continue if not worse than before. Unfortunately the parents of the child will likely in turn take this as bullying as well. They will most likely disregard the confrontation as such because it is the easier way to handle it.
I think that it will help the child being bullied out more in the long run to help them understand that these people hate themselves (it sounds cliche but when you see what they amount to usually, it’s true) and to help the child learn to love themselves for their ‘differences’, know that they are loved and that there is a safe zone.
Even if you have to have a no cell phone on in the house policy (hard for everyone these days I know, but if you have to physically call the house to bully chances are they won’t do it) and limit the time on any messaging or chat site (although I don’t think they should be on it at all, hello pedophiles! creeps! and general weirdos talking to your kid!) or perhaps have the kids set their pages to invite or permission only to try and keep the bullies out.
It helps also teach them that their lives (more for their safety than anything) should be more private in the first place, that they shouldn’t allow random people to come into their world and possibly hurt them. That they should be smart about their friends and make good choices about who is around them, because in the end, for me, that was what turned it around. You get yourself some people who really value you as a friend and then you learn that true friends stick up for each other and stand together no matter what. I met those people in high school so when the bullies followed me there, suddenly they couldn’t touch me. It was great. But I am glad that I could go home to a sanctuary. It sticks with you but at least there my friends and parents could bolster me up before the day began again.
In the end for me it was more proactive for me to have people helping me defend rather than to punish the ones doing it (because schools, like parents, can’t really do that anymore, the line to ‘abuse’ is so thin and grey that no one wants to do anything anymore) or try and stop them, because in the end they will keep themselves safe in denial. Sometimes it’s up to the victim to learn how to deflect and ignore it and remember that unless you’re living in an extremely small town, you won’t have to see these people every day forever.
Gosh that ended up really long, sorry guys!
Sorry that that wasn’t removed. I cant log on from my Smart Phone to remove stuff.
Janie, please dont jump to conclusions, some of your posts have gone into moderated because you’ve said moderated keywords such as my name.
pwest you have a great message but not everything is an 80’s movie.sometimes you have no one.like i did.i am here today but seriously that long tangent there was reminiscent of fried green tomatoes…not everything is easy and black and white…
no offense but it sounded like sunshine and lollipops to me
ive seen worse things up and mine is in moderation…oy
Pwest…Not all bullies have bad parents. I have seen some really truly amazing parents struggle with a child who is rebellious and a bully. It is so easy to blame parents, again taking away any ownership from the bully. Then there are those who have horrendously bad childhoods, who endure horrific abuse, who grow up to be loving kind adults. Please do not oversimplify bullying by making a blanket statement that kids who are bullies are that way because their parents are bullies.
My 3-year old was being bullied at his daycare for awhile at the start of the summer. He would come home often saying that this other kid hits him. He would occasionally get bruises and scratches. I confronted the father of the other kid and he said it’s just boys being boys. That night I taught my kid how to give a head butt. I had him practice on me until he had it right. Then i told him, the next time this kid hits him to give him a head butt. It didn’t take long for the bullying to stop. That kid stays clear of my son now. I wish I could have been there to watch that head butt. Must have been a good one.
i can only think of it this way, lack of values. school, parent, society should work together and teach our children how to respect and be respected. kids these days just don’t have fear for anything…. sad.
LOL Frank Hannah…YOU ARE AWESOME!
there is obviously deeper psychological issues involved, isnt it like asking an abuse victim to just leave home?
You know, it’s funny, I wonder sometimes why I even bother to come on here. It’s always something. You’re too general, you’re too specific, you’re disagreeing with something I do so I am going to say you are personally attacking me.
I don’t live in the Politically Correct world that so many Canadians relish in. I’m not going to get offended by every little thing that has nothing to do with me because somehow SOMEONE should be offended (go to a Canadian comedy show and you know what I’m talking about, even when Russell Peters makes a joke about his own race people become aghast), and I’m not going to write a comment with little disclaimers everywhere to make you happy. Opinions aren’t legal papers, no one should have to have stats at the ready.
On that note, of course there are exceptions and not all parents of bullies are bad, but it doesn’t mean that a good chunk, more than half I would estimate (but if you’ve got real numbers by all means) have parents that at worst are abusive to them in some way, or pick at their self esteem or at the very least are negligent and in denial. I did not say EVERY parent is a bad one, I just said bullies beget bullies. If you disagree I wonder where you figure the kids learn it? TV? Funny how there don’t seem to be many cool examples to follow on there. School? Perhaps, but I still argue it comes from home life in some way, but of course there are exceptions which is why I tried NOT to generalize.
As for the ‘everything isn’t an 80’s movie’ comment, nope you’re right, and I was a teen in the 90’s when bullying by comparison to now wasn’t perhaps as brutal, although I think it all is in its own way. I had people, not all along but in the end. I’m sorry that you didn’t. And I’m sorry that it came off like an 80’s movie, I guess I didn’t think strangers needed to know that I slit my wrists and had to get stitches at the hospital. But I suppose that’s still cliche, even though it’s true. Sometimes these things are common stories because they’re common occurances, and sometimes it’s because teenage girls learn a lot about life from movies and TV and have no choice but to get their ideas from there.
Jeez I wonder when Jake Ryan is going to show up to my house? Where’s a random Asian exchange student when you need one?
Hugs to you PWest – I am sorry to hear that you had to go through that. It’s just not right.
I will share my own thoughts. I think bullying is complicated. There isn’t just one reason for why some people bully, just as there isn’t just one solution to bullying.
My sister was bullied when she was in public school, because she had a visual disability. She was picked on by a boy in her class, right in front of the teacher. The school’s solution? Make her sit in the principals office every day for lunch and recesses to “protect” her, while the boy bullying her was not punished in any way. My parents ended up pulling her out of school and home schooling her because they could not see a way of ending it since the school refused to do anything productive about it.
As to your questions, Stephania, I have wondered some of those questions myself, particularly in regards to the social media. I have a few different theories. Maybe some kids don’t know how to block a person from their Facebook or Messenger or whatever, or block a persons texts or calls from their phone. And they would probably be too embarrassed to ask their parents because they don’t want their parents knowing. Now, granted, it shouldn’t be the victims responsibility, but we all know that there are many things in this world we shouldn’t have to do or shouldn’t have to deal with. We shouldn’t have to deal with bullying to begin with, but we do.
One thing I have noticed is a lot of children/young adults who are being bullied are reluctant to get their parents involved. I don’t know why, maybe because they think it will escalate the situation, maybe because they think their parents won’t understand?
The final thing I wanted to say is that, I think to a certain extent, bullying is more rampant then ever today because children do not respect or, to a certain extent, fear the adults in their lives. When my Dad was school aged, he knew better then to pick on other kids because his Dad would kick his butt if he found out. Not to mention he’d probably get the strap from the teacher too. Now kids hide behind anonymity online and they count on the fact that teachers and parents won’t or can’t step in to do anything.
I agree with you wholheartedly VibrantFlame.
Especially on the last comment, because parents now fear their children in a way. I know a few girls when I was younger that contemplated telling someone that their father’s hit them or touched them simply because they were mad at them for not giving them something that they wanted or because their mothers (divorced mothers) had transferred their bitter feelings and resentment to their daughters whom they unwisely confided in about their divorce rather than to an appropriate adult. We’ve become so jumpy about discipline (and on some counts for good reason, abuse is out there and far too common) that the children now have the power and the parents seem to have no choice but to in part let them police themselves.
Sometimes words don’t work. I’ve only been spanked twice, once for going 3 streets away on my own when I was 6 or 7 to visit a friend without anyone knowing, they all thought I had been taken by somebody. The second for breaking something out of spite when I was angry that was very personal to my mother. I only ever got slapped once or twice for having a bad attitude and smart mouth to my usually very kind and loving father when I was 15 and 16. I deserved every one of them and never did it again. I don’t think it was abuse, sometimes words just don’t show you as a kid that you’re doing something really wrong.
It’s just unfortunate that so many people these days don’t know where to draw the line, and I honestly think some kind of discipline in schools needs to come back, because bullying in front of a teacher should get the bullier an automatic trip to the principal’s. After a certain amount of time’s caught or reported on the bullier should get suspended or expelled. Sending the bully-ee to the principal’s sends the bullier the wrong message. Schools are so afraid of being sued that they would rather you take the kid out and hope that the problem goes away.
Everyone is afraid of the kids; rather than protecting them properly they let them have control when they are incapable of understanding any future consequences of their actions. But then again many adults never learned that lesson either so I suppose that has a lot to do with it.
And thanks Nic, that’s very kind of you to say.