Good read: 12 Things I Learned By 42 That I Wish I Knew At 22

Other / Canada

Very good advice. Originally posted at thewisdomjournal.com:

My, how time flies. Seems just like yesterday that I was a 12 year old kid, going for long bike rides in Sherwood Forrest, the subdivision just around the corner from where I lived. Playing with William, Edward, and my little brother, climbing in the tree house, looking forward to Brent coming over to visit. Those were all good times and my only dread was finding out that we were having liver for supper.

By the time I was 22, I knew who I wanted to marry, was in the process of quitting college, going into debt, and thought that I would be a millionaire by the time I was 30 because I was so smart. Hey, it might take me until 35, but that was the top end. In reality, I was quite ignorant.

If I could go back in time, here are a few items I would tell my 22 year old self.

1. Stay in school. Don’t quit. Sure you’re bored now, but wait until you’re in a dead end job that you can’t stand but you’re afraid to lose. Getting finished with your degree will open up many more opportunities than you realize. I always wanted to go to law school, but without that sheepskin, I didn’t have a chance of even being considered. The lesson learned here is finish what you start by throwing yourself into it fully. Treat your college experience as if it were a job. Arrive on time, do your homework, study, and treat your learning process as if you were at a real job.

2. Money doesn’t spoil, it keeps. Start investing early. How much stuff do you have to show for the money you made in high school and college? If I had invested half of what I made during those years in a plain old, broad based mutual fund, I would have well over $192,000 with no other investments made since then. I’m still kicking myself. Invest early.

3. Don’t buy the first house you look at. Buy the cheapest house in the nicest neighborhood. No, I didn’t actually do this, but it was close. We were so excited to be approved for a loan, having just come out of Consumer Credit Counseling Services that we jumped at the first house we found that met our minimum requirements. I still love that house today, but I wish we had gotten a better inspection, had looked into building, or had found a way to buy a house that was closer to work and school. The lesson learned, don’t be desperate with a large purchase.

4. Establish the habit of living within a budget. Could anything be more important to insure you are living below your means? I tried on several occasions but I was never as faithful to this ideal as I should have been. Today, I make a salary high enough that a budget is a “yeah, we really ought to do that” kind of thing. My goal is to get that done. If I could do it over I would get myself in this habit at the earliest possible age. The lesson learned: budgeting is a freeing process, not a limiting one. If I had lived on a budget, I could have circumvented many painful events.

5. Learn how to negotiate a better deal on everything. Having read several books on negotiation just a little too late, I’ve recognized how I was duped by many people, mostly used car sales people. I wrote a review on Secrets of Power Negotiating that you can read here. Learning these skills would have saved me thousands. The lesson learned: prepare by educating yourself and always be willing to walk away.

6. Keep your medical insurance in force at all times. Several years ago, I quit one job and took another that didn’t offer medical insurance until you had been there for 90 days. You guessed it, my wife had to have emergency surgery at 89 days. True story. 89 days. Do you think the insurance company cared? I’ll let you guess. Thankfully, we were at St. Vincent’s Hospital and they had mercy on us. The business manager told me (after looking over my financial situation) that someone paid our bill. I still get choked up thinking about it all these years later. It took us years to pay off the doctor and anesthesia bills, though. If I had just kept my coverage in effect for a little while longer. The obvious lesson: keep that insurance in effect. It is cheaper than the medical bills.

7. It’s quality of time at work, but quantity of time at home that matters. Your boss really doesn’t care whether you have a family or not. Trust me. Unless you work for family members who DO understand that you need to pick the kids up early, or that you DO need to spend some time with your spouse, you are just a replaceable cog in the machine. When people are trying to grow a business, your need for personal time is secondary, so is the quality of your marital and family relationships. Just remember that when you’re old, sitting in a chair at the nursing home with a blanket on your lap and eating mush, you won’t regret that you didn’t get to spend more time at the office. The lesson learned: family will be there after the job is long gone. Value and treasure them.

8. Don’t listen to those who think there is a shortcut to wealth. NEW FLASH: there is no shortcut. Might as well get that out of your 22 year old head right now. Wealth is created when you provide something interesting, unique and valuable to people who demand it. Until then, you will be trading hours for dollars and you’ll always think you’re underpaid. “Find a need and fill it” is the old mantra and it is still quoted because it’s true. In today’s world it should read “Create a need that only you can fill.” Then you’ll be on your way to wealth. The lesson learned: figure out where there are unmet needs and figure out a way to fill those needs.

8a. Stay far, far away from any Multi Level Marketing “business” that requires you to sponsor new distributors. They are all scams. You are not “CEO of your own distribution network”-you are a commission-based salesperson relying on the liquidation of your social capital (i.e. alienating your friends and family) to make any money at all…and 99.5% of people in MLM’s lose money, as has been shown again and again in numerous studies. The only profit you can ever make is by turning what would be called “customers” into “distributors” and then taking the money from the 99.995% that lose money in the organization and giving it to the 0.005% at the top (the people who started the whole “business” in the first place). Stay away!

9. Make sure your spouse’s values line up with your own. This one step can single handedly determine your level of happiness more than just about any other. Scary isn’t it? If everything seems so right, yet he or she thinks credit should be used at will (and you don’t) or thinks that home schooled kids are strange (and you want your children to be home schooled), you are setting yourself up for heartbreak. Work these things out before you say “I do.” They say love is grand . . . and divorce is 50 grand. The lesson learned: talk to your spouse or potential spouse about what is important to you and the values you think should be taught to your children, even if you don’t plan on having children.

10. Learn how to network. Learn to stay in touch with old friends from high school and college. Learn the skill of asking for help without seeming to be asking for help. Watch how others network. Remember it’s not what you know, it’s not even who you know, it’s how you USE what you know and who you know. One step further, it’s not who you know, it’s who knows YOU. Get in the practice of networking without expecting anything in return. Make sure you don’t come across as a brown nosing leech who is always trying to get an angle, but stay in touch with people. You never know who you may be able to help. The lesson learned: stay in touch and make sure you come across as helpful rather than helpless.

11. Never accept a job just because the pay is higher. Life is more than money. There’s a reason they’re offering you more. Yes it may be that you’re the most qualified. It may be that you have the most experience and the most education. It may be that no one can stand to work for that particular department head and a high salary is the only way to fill the position. Always ask where the person who last held the position is working now. Ask to speak with them, but always do it away from the office. People will give you more information outside of the office than inside. Inside the office, they’re committing treason, outside, hey – they’re just chatting with a friend. The lesson learned: Get the full scoop before jumping out of a frying pan into the fire.

12. Trust, but verify. You can’t believe everything you hear, read, or were taught as a kid. You should always check references, ask probing questions, search out answers, and find ways to learn more about what you’re being told. This is a catch all but it is important. The world is full of schemers who are just waiting to take you for a ride. Don’t become cynical, but verify everything you can. The lesson learned: make sure you know who it is you’re dealing with and what their motives may be.

Learn who you are and what motivates you. Learn what motivates your spouse and children. Learn what motivates your friends. Learn what motivates your co-workers, your boss, and your boss’s boss. Never stop learning, never stop growing. By the time you reach 42, kid, you’ll be a millionaire! 😉

What would you tell yourself if you could go back twenty years?


23 responses to “Good read: 12 Things I Learned By 42 That I Wish I Knew At 22”

  1. Nancy says:

    What has this got to do with their site? I like to write too but I wouldn’t publish it on Canadian Deals Blog.

  2. Boo Radley says:

    Hi Nancy,

    Although SmartCanucks is mainly a shopping and deals blog, it is also sort of my personal blog and I enjoy posting interesting stuff every now and then 🙂

    It’s not the first time I’ve posted something non-deals related. Check out this section:
    http://smartcanucks.ca/category/other-canada/

  3. Joel says:

    Thanks for the article Boo

  4. ACL says:

    Very nice article .. i will send this to my young cousins .. something for them to ponder. Definitely a good read!! Thanks for the post Boo.

  5. jenny says:

    A VERY GOOD ARTICLE! thanks so much for sharing..very practical…i’m almost 22 and I’ll try to keep these in mind. I’ll be forwarding these too.

  6. Donna says:

    Great article. I’ve passed it on to my twentysomething daughters. Thankks!

    PS the actual website is http://thewisdomjournal.stumbleupon.com/
    There’s nothing at the one you posted.

    :o)

  7. harkatsmom says:

    That is an awesome read Boo.
    It is very true as well.
    Hind sight is always 20/20.
    Thanks for sharing it… 🙂

  8. AL says:

    Boo- You know the ‘reason’ I check SmartCanucks is not only for DEALS like someone mentioned, but for these gems that you post! Very nice read and great info article…I’ll share it with my friends on Facebook!

    Also, this site is not all about deals….we are after all SMART CANUCKS 😉

    Al

  9. Alex says:

    Boo Radley

    Thank you for your article. A fair deal is a worthy goal, however we are more than just bargain hunters.
    We are people, not just consumers. We have values that go beyond just the cost of a consumer good.
    Your contribution takes us back to our human side again.

    Alex

  10. psyche says:

    Interesting article! And I think even though I enjoy the non-related things, this one is related (it’s all about saving money, just like a lot of Smart Canucks!)

    Being 22 myself… definitely some things to think about 😉

  11. missy says:

    great article! thanks for sharing!

  12. mrG says:

    What would I tell myself? As I close in on 52, let me start off saying that when I was 42 I a long bout of believing those above things to be mostly true, but the good news is, as I grew up, I got better.

    1. School is irrelevent; everything is ‘school’, school is everywhere and anyone who says they can only teach you in exchange for money is probably hiding something. True teachers cannot help but teach, it is compulsive obsession, and so alse the learners. Find that thing you cannot help but learn, and learn it with all your heart.

    2. Money doesn’t spoil, it gets eaten by rats or stolen by pirates or ends up in the taxman’s coffers. Forget it. Live your life, store up your riches in things that have no price tag.

    3. There is a reason for the building of every house, a reason the structure exists. Find that reason and ask yourself if you agree with it with your very reason for being. If you do, then you and that architect are kindred spirits. Keep in mind Rule #2.

    4. Money comes, money goes, enjoy the sunshine, but remember that darkness follows. Money is a vehicle, you have to drive it to get where you want to go, and it shouldn’t be the one setting the destination.

    5. Let it go sometimes, just let it go. A bit of haggling as a friendly sport is something both seller and the buyer have to be into, or it ceases to be a fun communications and it becomes an attachment and a battle that no one can win. Don’t let yourself be bullied, mind you, but that isn’t license to become the bully.

    6. See rule #2 and realize that taking care of others will also take care of you. Medical insurance is nice, but it isn’t the meaning of life.

    7. No one diagnosed of a terminal illness has ever remarked that they wished they’d spent more time at work. If work thinks you are replaceable, agree with them and let them go get another cog. Life is too short to spend it being someone’s replaceable part. That said, every machine has parts, some of them are cogs and those of excellent design, those that work smoothly within the machine can become irreplaceable. That can be the lowest job. I have personally seen CEOs “replaced” like they were out of a boilerplate, and I’ve worked places where the caretaker is missed and reminisced for years.

    8. There is a shortcut to wealth, and it is shorter than you think. It starts with Rule #2.

    9. ‘Family’ is a verb, it is an action, a thing that you do and it is only what you do. If your spouse wants something different, chances are their perspective is valid given their perceptions, but nonetheless, the doing of ‘family’ is something you do. Sometimes families do burst apart, but trust me, there is no advance test for this any more than you can screen kindergarden kids for future bankruptcies. Just make sure, if Fate comes gunning for your marriage, that you are the one least at fault.

    10. Two rules to live by: It is unwise to scream in the jungle, and most humans make their living off other humans, not always with consent.

    11. Think about it: if you needed something done that you wouldn’t do yourself and that you could think of no one one earth who would do it for you, wouldn’t you attempt to bribe another human into doing it for you? This is called “The Paycheque” This is why the size of the paycheque is inversely proportional to the human value of the work being done, daycare workers get squat, Howard Stern is rich.

    12. it is impossible to verify any fact; those who say they do can only do so by denying data that does not fit their preconceptions. All facts are ‘myths’, heuristics we use in an attempt to do whatever we do ‘better’ than we did them before we arrived at the rule; if a rule works for you, whether that’s reiki or economics, don’t let anyone tell you it’s bunk, but be prepared at all times to discard it as such if a new rule comes along.

    13. To spend a long time in self-development is embarrassing. There is nothing to learn, nothing to acquire, no one to manipulate and no prize for the most toys, there is just you, them and this place in which we live and it is all magical, it is a fluid flowing web of every last one of us together to make it all work, and the best question you have to answer yourself is are you in, or are you not.

  13. frugiedh says:

    This was great. I personally totally agree with #1. Education will set you free and empower you.

  14. ftcnt says:

    This is the best freebie I have found on this website !

  15. Skippy says:

    Really good stuff Boo!

    Although I’m past 42 and not a millionaire, I don’t really care.
    My riches in this life are not monetary.

    The only thing I would add is never take your health for granted because you never know what may happen.

  16. ILMK says:

    Thanks for the read and all the added advice in the comments.

  17. Dad says:

    It is really great. I like it a lot. I wish u good luck Boo.

  18. Boo Radley says:

    Awww… thanks everyone for your nice words and encouragement 🙂

    I could never have done this without your motivation! It’s the wonderful feedback I get everyday that keeps me going.

  19. Boo Radley says:

    mrG, your second point sums it all:

    2. Money doesn’t spoil, it gets eaten by rats or stolen by pirates or ends up in the taxman’s coffers. Forget it. Live your life, store up your riches in things that have no price tag.

  20. fritz says:

    I could’ve written this when I was 32. Everything is so true.

  21. travelgeek says:

    I cannot stress the importance of point 2. You build your financial foundation leading up to the point where you get your money to work for you, not the other way around. Our economics teacher taught us this at 15…. it’s never too early to start.

  22. minorgreenno says:

    we vacant pets england sea site

  23. Thank you so much, there aren’t enough posts on this… or at least i cant find them. I am turning into such a blog nut, I just cant get enough and this is such an important topic… i’ll be sure to write something about your site


















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