If at all possible, I avoid dining in large groups ’cause come cheque time, it’s all sorts of awkward! This is especially true when some knob suggests on splitting the bill…”evenly”.
If my avoidance tactic has failed, and I can’t get out of the dinner, I usually come up with a plan of attack. Since math is not my strong suit, I have even snuck off to the washroom, called my bf to be my own personal “tip calculator”.
(Yes, somehow even with advances in technology, i.e. the tip calculator feature on my cell phone, I have managed to get screwed over on the whole group billing thing!)
One incident that I will never forget, and will hold as a lesson learned, is when B, a friend of mine invited me out for dinner with her group of friends. One of B‘s friends was celebrating a birthday.
Backstory: B was a good friend who was constantly travelling for work, so this was a rare occasion where she was back in town for a bit. At the time, I had chosen to be unemployed to focus on my writing, full-time. So needless to say, money was tight.
After doing some pre-ordering online, I knew that it wouldn’t break the bank to order a $10 sandwich, so I told B that I’d tag along!
Anyway, on the way there, we hit some traffic and since the rip-off restaurant was downtown, we had to find parking. By the time we met with the rest of the party, they had already started eating (and drinking) as we were a bit late.
Snag #1: Foiling my strategy of ordering a $10 sandwich, someone suggested we order off the tapas menu. 🙁 Btw, if you don’t know what tapas are, they are small dishes of food, like dim sum, but more expensive!
With my limited math skills, things didn’t seem to be getting that out of hand. Fast forward to the bill arriving…
Snag #2: Someone, probably the same person who suggested the tapas, shouts out, “Let’s split the bill!” Are. You. Serious? And of course, the birthday person was excluded, fine.
Snag #3: The food that was ordered before I arrived was included on this Even Steven bill. And if that wasn’t bad enough, someone, probably same person as #1 & #2, had a $40/glass of wine and never stepped forward. So as per Snag #2, I ended up paying for food I never ate and some guy’s expensive choice in spirits! Tacky.
In order to pay my portion of the bill, another friend had to spot me…under the table. How humiliating.
After the bill was settled, someone suggests that we head to Chinatown ’cause the majority of the people were still hungry. Great. Since I hitched a ride with B, I was at her mercy to rejoin everyone at yet another restaurant.
Since there was nothing left in my wallet ‘cept pocket-lint, I lied and stated that I was utterly stuffed from the limited tapas that I indulged in. So I didn’t order anything. I just sat, silently fuming, at the Chinese restaurant, growing sick and tired of the company.
When the measly $15 bill arrived at the table, $40-Wine-Guy insisted on picking up the tab ’cause he felt “bad” at the tapas restaurant. A bit late, don’t you think, bud?
So unless you enjoy getting rypped, do what you can to avoid these awkward group dinners OR ask for separate bills!
OMG sadly enough I laughed when I read this. But thats only because I have been there!!! this has happened to me on more than 1 occaision. (slow learner).
Ya, splitting the bill never works unless you all ordered the same priced menu item and someone didn’t indulge a bit too much in cocktails lol!
sigh. for me the thing that pissed me off the most was when my best friend’s bf decides to pay for his portion which he pays short of because he missed the fact that his gf had a meal as well then goes and tells ppl that everyone is short even though everyone paid for their share. he goes to make up for it but makes it seem like he did everyone a good deed to pay extra for something he should have paid to begin with. OMG so annoying.
I have no problem piping up (when ordering) “on a separate bill please….” and then I order. I’ve been with groups who insist on the bill splitting, but I just decline usually stating that “I’m not all that hungry & because of medications I’m on I can’t drink alcohol”(usually a lie btw, but it’s a good one re: alcohol)thus I’d rather just pay for my portion of the meal to keep things simple.
Keep in mind I am also the person who told her BFF that I wasn’t going to pay $30 per person for all you eat sushi(for her birthday). I may have said “lunch/supper on me” but $60 for a meal is certainly not in my budget. I’ve learned to be blunt and just say I can’t afford it, it keeps even more awkward situations from arising later on.
Yeah, I have no problem either about speaking up when stuff like that happens. I pay for my share, the end.
I have yet to ever eat with anyone who would have the brilliant idea to “split the bill” – I’d have been pretty insulted, and likely pretty vocal about it. ESPECIALLY if there was alcohol involved and courses before you arrived.
It might turn ugly if I were at a dinner like that. Very ugly; especially if I didn’t know the jackasses with the expensive wine before that night.
“Look, I don’t think it’s fair that you expect me to subsidize your wine, when I’m drinking water here.”
It’s not about not being able to afford it – if you’re getting shafted, someone else is getting a discount. That someone is likely the genius who suggested the split in the first place.
I think everyone’s been there before! I know I have and it’s so damn annoying, since I know I am on a budget-I don’t do ordering $50 steaks and $25 appetizers.
My BF (whos vegan) get’s snagged every time he goes out to dine with friends. Take going out for pizza. All he can order is bread and sauce which is like.. $12+tax & tip. (Already shafted by the restaurant, lol) But everyone else will order super gourmet pizzas which range from $20-25 plus wine! As you mentioned, someone always says that they should split the bill “evenly” at the end. (Usually someone who orders $$$, ha!) So being the nice guy my BF is, he sucks it up and pays “his share”. It makes me so angry…like..come on guys, seriously!?
So we make it a thing now, where before we order (waiting for be served water) we mention how “it’ll be easier to get separate bills-makes life easier! Is that okay with everyone?” and mention this to the waiter/waitress when we order. Works like a charm!
Just want to say I LOVE your blog posts… A nice change. And although some people say they are relevant (not freebies or deals)- they really are relevant to real life and saving money in everyday situations.
ETA: This specific pizza place won’t substitute toppings, so whatever’s on the menu is what they will make. No veggie pizza without cheese! 🙁
My friends and I always ask for separate bills for what we order for ourselves, unless we decided to order a bunch of stuff to share.
I do know how you feel though. One time my two friends ordered a $15 appetizer that I wasn’t interested in, but they offered me a bite, so I had just that – a bite. When the bill came one of them wanted to split the appetizer three way, and I was like I don’t effing think so… she was offended, but why should I pay $5 for something that I didn’t order and didn’t want in the first place?
My friends and I always get seperate bills depending on what we ordered. If we all ordered roughly the same amount of food, it doesn’t really matter, but at places where alcohol is involved, or different meals are involved, we always get seperate bills.
if your not ok with splitting the bill its up to you and only you to speak up and say actually i had ‘such and such” and will be paying for that.. you can explain that you only have limited funds or dont explain at all. If they have a problem with it then perhaps they are not your friends anyway.. and if you are embarrassed then perhaps you cant afford to be eating out that night anyway.. JMO
Did you know that the term “gypped” is offensive to the Romani? It implies that all “gypsies” are/were thieves, cheats, and swindlers.
It wasn’t meant offensively. Unfortuantely everything these days can be taken the wrong way.
Wow, I didn’t realize how lucky I am to have such considerate friends. This has never happened to me. But, I think, if your friends were even the least bit mature, they would not be offended if you gently asked if people could pay for their own orders and drinks, and just split the tapas part.
Hehe funny story!
In Quebec we always get seperate bills… we don’t even have to ask!
Except for Dim Sum.
Farking hilarious article and very well written!!! I can totally relate. I cannot believe that there are so many clueless (or inconsiderate? or sly???) people in North America. This has never happened to me anywhere else and I happen to always dine with different groups of people when I’m overseas. Where I come from, he/she who invites, then he/she must pay. It’s like being invited to a wedding and you’re required to pay for your own meal (in the form of wedding gift as $$$) and the drinks come from a cash bar to boot! How TACKY. You’re the host, you provide the caviar and champagne. Just sayin’.
Its rule #1 never buy any of the mains they are always going to be more money then the appies. rule #2 its cheaper to buy the full bottle then one glass of wine. rule #3 tell the waitress at the start before you order ya want seperate bills because it gets confusing when she goes to figure it all out at the end time consuming. Rule #4 if someone is going to order a cardboard steak aka well done have them order way before ya drinks arrive because by the time you order everything else the steak is reaady to be served and you will not have to wait forever for the rest of the food. Rule #5 Always tip your server their hourly wage is but anything to snooze at we all know they make their real money during tip out especially if they have to share it with the kitchen, servers, bussers and bartenders.
Well at least thats my two cents from a cooks perspective…
That’s why I never do the bill splitting thing unless it’s dimsum or something, where we all share it. And if we DO even bill-split, you better make sure to start ordering stuff to make it worth your money.
But yes… always always separate bills! Also that way you don’t have to resent the friend who always over-calculates for tips.
By the way, for a friend’s graduation party, he decided to have this big drinking party to celebrate. Like, 30 people showed up but the bill was over $1000 (for the alcohol since people were playing drinking games). COME ON! I only had a martini and they wanted to split evenly. Hell-no. We put down our money for the martinis and said we had to leave early before the bill got any worse.
I’ve been to places that don’t do separate bills for larger parties, but luckily I have great friends (we’re all poor-ish students) and we normally have 1 person pay and then split things up via spreadsheet based on what each person ordered for themselves and anything shared amongst everyone or a small group of people (i.e. 2 out of 5 sharing an app). This is great for people who don’t do math well on the spot and as long as you trust people to pay you back, it’s a clear/transparent system. And it is probably easier on the server too.
Oh yes, it always helps to make a mental note of what your total is after tax and tip for what you ordered. Because in the case of the bill being split evenly, you’ll know approximately how much you owe and you can shell out our share asap without getting shafted.
“I had a $11 burger, here’s $15 to cover it with tax and tip!”
Then wait for everyone else to figure their bill out. 😉
Oh, bring cash- small bills, 5’s, 10’s and a change. It comes in handy when you’re going out with a bunch of people and you know that there might be a chance you’ll be splitting a bill or two.
I once knew someone who would NEVER bring cash out when a bunch of us went out. Debit or credit. The result? Someone would have to spot him (took FOREVER to get the $$ back..so no one wanted to.) It was so socially awkward!
I never split the bill evenly unless it’s agreed upon before we order and if we decide to all share food. I have however picked up the entire tab on credit to save my friends and I the hassle of trying to divide up a bill when the server forgets/messes up splitting the bill. I just get them to hand me some cash afterward 🙂
I will say that the people I eat out with are usually split evenly between those who bring cash and those who don’t. We haven’t had any problems with needing to pick up the slack for anyone, it just takes a few minutes longer.
But I definitely agree that if someone suggest splitting the bill you should speak up. I’m not afraid to point out that I only ordered half of what someone else order!
Sally – the very WORD gypped comes from gypsy. There is no other way TO take it. The very term is offensive. It would be just like me calling you an idiot and saying ‘oh, it wasn’t meant to be offensive’.
You can always ask the waitress/waiter for a separate bill before the bill comes, if you don’t want to do it in front of everyone just get up and talk to them away from the table. Or if the bill already came, ask them if you can pay for yours separately. Some waitresses/waiters may get sniffy about doing this, but it is not hard and don’t feel bad. Another way is saying you need to pay by debit or credit, then you can tell them exactly how much you want to pay for (you have control over your portion and can add on some for the birthday person, tip, etc).
That derogatory comment at the ending was so unnecessary and detracted from the article as a whole.
Of course asking for separate bills up front is usually best – but what J suggests above can also work really well. Both are totally good ways to avoid awkwardness and maybe bad feelings..
reestuffforme says…
May 24, 2011 at 12:43 am
Did you know that the term “gypped” is offensive to the Romani? It implies that all “gypsies” are/were thieves, cheats, and swindlers.
– Agreed, I haven’t heard that word used in public in years and years… I thought people knew it was not a word to use; it’s a derogatory ethnic slur.
Whenever me and my friends go out, we all get seperate bills…
sometimes the restaruant gets pissed but they cant refuse us.
It’s the easiest way to pay for only what you eat/ drink 🙂
Every time my friends and I go out, we always pay for our own meals 😀
If someone wants to get fancy and order a taco for the price of a steak that’s their own choice and they can go ahead and pay for their meal! lol
I just tell them that my meager Zellers paycheck doesn’t cover all my whimsical needs and food fantasies.
I always anti-up my share first…here’s $20 to cover my portion with tax/tip. Then everyone else sorts out the remaining bill. Usually works well.
Another tack I use is to tell the waitress when I order that I might have to leave early (something about the kids at home/babysitter), so I’ll need a separate bill. Then the rest of the party can do what they want but I’ve got my ass covered and I have an easy out if I’m wanting to go home early. And if things are going well, no harm in lingering.
honestly..I would speak up..and demand for a separate bill for myself regardless of what everyone is doing…I don’t care…I’m never shy when it comes to money…and i would never allow any human being to rip me off…not even with a penny!
I definitely hated those kind of scenerios when I was young and poor.
It’s kind of hard for me to comment further because I’m really stuck on the fact that you used the word “gypped” in your article. Yikes!
Oh I see others have commented on that too. Thank goodness.
Not long ago I went to a good friend’s birthday (Person A) which was held @ the Casino Lac-Leamy – dining at Le Baccara (one of the top notch dining places in Ottawa/Gatineau. In total we were 8 people, 1 friend brought her “boyfriend” who wasn’t invited. The reason being because Person A had a voucher that was worth about $1500 that she has won, so she offered to use it with her best friends/close friends. Our total bill was close to $2000 + tips on top of that. The ‘1 friend’ who brought her b/f which I thought was rediculous because she didn’t even ask Person A ahead of time ended up getting their own expensive white wine bottle with her boyfriend.
I mean the bill was very expensive (expected) because it was very fine dining, but when it came to the bill in the end they (girl and her extra boyfriend) should of at least offered to pay (at least for the wine) which could have went towards the tips. Anyway, because Person A’s boyfriend is very generous, he ended up paying for the rest of the bill + the tips.
I sat there and thought it was ridiculous, but I wasn’t going to create a scene considering it wasn’t coming out of my own pocket and wasn’t my party, but I thought Person A should have said something to her. Some people really take advantage of others as long as it benefits them in some ways.
My friends and I usually ask for separate bills, but on the rare occassion that we forget we usually don’t have too many issues thankfully. Typically if someone wants an appetizer they are the one who pays for it, regardless of who ends up eating it, but then next time we all go out someone else buys something and shares, so works out in the end.
However I have been in situations where I have been screwed out money because of the even bill split. Especially when in groups of people I don’t know well. I feel bad for saying something.
Great article! It would be great to actually read one without having to listen to certain people always looking to whine about something they find politically incorrect. God that’s annoying.
Ethnic slurs are a little annoying too Lori. She might as well have said she felt “Jewed”, can everyone agree that *that’s* offensive? If you don’t know what a word means, don’t use it.
My friends and i (in smaller groups) DO tend to split bills evenly, if we all had essentially the same things (within a dollar or two). We all know if someone had more or less, and then they figure their own out and it’s always fine. But we know who that works with and who it doesn’t.
the problem with being in a big group and people ‘paying for their share’ is that they often DON’T. they forget that there is 13% tax (plus more on alcohol) PLUS 15% tip. really, you need to add almost a 1/3 of what your food is listed at to cover yourself (those are Ontario taxes).
also, i can tell you as a former waitress, if you are going to ask for separate bills (which i think saves trouble if you are in a group of people you can’t be really open and blunt with – like ‘oh you forgot that you all ordered coffee too….’) you have to remember to do so BEFORE YOU ORDER. Once it’s all in the computer, it takes them a long time to split it back out at the end.
I’m never afraid to ask for a seperate bill. Saves the headache at the end.
Fortunately most of my friends are considerate, but I have one who always underpays her portion. Now I get separate bills or I grab it and calculate her share.
it seams to me like she didn’t realize the origins of that word otherwise i’m sure it would not have been used. i too did not know the origins of the word until a year ago or so. it is an ignorant term but some of your comments are equally ignorant like the person who used the comparison “if I called you an idiot….” i wish we could like and dislike comments on here like the cbc website lol
Some people on SC are so ANAL and ANNOYING! Give the lady a break! “Gypsies” are/were thieves, cheats, and swindlers, BLAH BLAH BLAH. Why do you people care so much? Is it soooooooooooo much of an insult to you to bring it up? Smart complainers!
I’ll always use the excuse “oh I’m going to pay by debit or credit card, so I’m just going to put mine on a seperate bill.” haha it works every time 🙂
I tired of everything having to be PC nowadays! Don’t we have better things to worry about. Like our friends in the south and the flooding!
apparently i behind on times lol. i didnt know the origin if the word until about 5 minutes ago! i used the word “gypped” as often as i would say being “ripped off”. guess i’m gunna have to use an alternatine word. guess it’s true, you do kearn something new all the time.
My friend still owes me $20 from such a dinner and it has been several years. She is prone to forgetfulness and I moved across the Country so I think it’s safe to say my $20 is gone forever. LOL. Never again!
Awesome Blog! So been there, recently too. Some people are so inconsiderate.
My boss has another company besides our regular salary job. When we go out for like team lunch on our own pay, my boss suggests to split the bill then take our cash(if we take it out) and pay with his credit card for all of us. I realized that I pay high tips in these crowded trips by the way. And later my boss claims the lunch of 4 or 5 people as his side business expense.
Not sure about with others, but in my groups of friends it’s assumed we all pay for our own meals and drinks unless someone says “I’ve got the bill!!”, in which case the rest of the table will cover a generous tip.
Be nice and pay for your share (including tax + tip) or else your friends won’t want to eat out with you again! My friends are always considerate, but generally, we do get separate bills because it makes things a lot easier.. and some people order more than others. Oh yes, we also ask each other for eg ‘would you like to try my chicken?’ and we would share a bit with each other (bite size).. we like trying different things! It’s better than splitting the bill evenly!
I think what it comes down to there are a LOT of ignorant people out there – whether it is expecting people to pay a considerable amount more than they’ve eaten by splitting the bill equally, or using derogatory terms that have become so ingrained in our common language that they’re so widley accepted to the point where people get UPSET when others correctly point out their origins and how offensive they are. It’s pretty disappointing.
I liked the article except for the last line.
Just because someone suggests splitting a bill & ordering certain things doesn’t mean someone else can’t suggest “No!”. I’m a very fussy eater & I don’t drink so if I was with a group & this happened I would say no, tell the rest of them they can’t split it, pay my server for what I had, feel bad that the rest of the table won’t tip her properly (or even at all) & then find new friends because honestly, who does that!
Usually, these situations have happened with acquaintances/coworkers, as opposed to closer friends. And ironically, the “Let’s split the bill” situation also seems to happen with people who AREN’T hurtin’ financially.
The $40-Wine-Guy was single, an engineer…with his own place!
ugh i strongly dislike cheapstakes! and i would’ve spoken up.
Good article! We can all relate to this one… lol
I’ve never even heard someone say it’s an offensive word. I hear it on tv all the time, heck even in commercials! I’m not a racist person at all but I’ve never heard it been taken in that context. Steph is in the same boat as me. I’m sory if it offended anyone. But what do I know, I’m just an idiot. 😉
Heres an interesting article on the word, apparently the word is split half and half.
It’s definitely an interesting article with even more interesting comments. Thanks for the link, Sally.
Kim says…
May 24, 2011 at 9:20 am
“Ethnic slurs are a little annoying too Lori. She might as well have said she felt “Jewed”, can everyone agree that *that’s* offensive? If you don’t know what a word means, don’t use it.”
Now YOU’RE the one being offensive. Are you an extremist? I have never heard of the term “gypped” as offensive and I know lots of Romani people. Why compare it to Jews? Jesus. Get over yourself.
I think the word used is like any other slur. We might not have known better 10 or more years ago. An example is what some older people call the candy liqorish babies by another very racist term.
Honestly, it’s been at least 10 years since I found out that the term used in the article was a slur.
I just don’t think it is appropriate, but again that is my opinion. The term references one ethnic group and infers something negative about them.
Like others, if another term was used references another ethnic group there may have been more people saying something. I am just wondering if anyone is moderating what goes on the blog, outside of the original poster. As to who would say it is alright to use a slur in a blog post.
I’m just wondering as racist comments aren’t allowed in the forums, or at least I thought they weren’t, why racist inferences should be on the blog?
I don’t know many Romani people personally but I know that it is offensive to them and is in a list of offensive words that we are not allowed to use at work (and L6941) that same work handbook compares its use to saying you were Jewed so it is quite possible ‘Kim’ has the same association with it as I do as that is what we are taught.
That being said, maybe she didn’t know it was offensive, but at the first complaint saying it was, perhaps the blogger should have reworded the final paragraph to remove the word
Actually, L6941, Kim is exactly correct. She wasn’t being offensive – she was trying to illustrate how derogatory the term is. I studied all kinds of terminology like that when I was in university as part of my major – and while the terms vary from group to group, “gypped” is as bad to Romas as the use of the “N-word” is (except, apparently, in a rap song…??).
In our grandparents’ generation, “gypped” and “Jewed down” (an incredibly insulting reference to haggling) were virtually synonymous for discussing being cheated out of something.
I don’t consider myself particularly politically correct, but I am educated in this topic, and I would never use the term “gypped”.
Great article!!
The link was good too….. I personally liked this response to the word!!
“I never cease to find it amazing that in modern society people manage to be offended by things in which clearly no intent to be offensive was meant. It’s like people just want to be offended and look for reasons to be.
Someone should have to be obviously TRYING to be offensive to get any kind of serious rise out of people. It’s a sad world where you can be having a perfectly pleasant conversation and someone gets offended by your use of some word or other because they think it means something clearly outside the context it was used in.”
Matrix82, the blog and forum are two different sources with different rules. I’m sure you’ve seen some of the strange chats on the blog.
I know steph didn’t mean it offensively and I’m sure she’ll comment.
By the way, my intent was not at all to attack Stephania; I assumed that she was using the term innocently as a synonym for “cheated” or “swindled” (which is why I phrased my comment as a question, “Did you know… ?”). My purpose was to educate the author and readers about the presumed derogatory meaning of the word which, clearly, many people are still unaware of. As Kim said, we all know that it is not acceptable to use the term “jewed” in similar contexts.
I love Smart Canucks and I generally enjoy the smart content here. I refuse to blindly accept ignorance just because it might make me look too “anal” or “annoying.” I’m glad that a few more people might think before they use the word again.
I don’t think it’s possible for me to write a post without ANYONE being offended!
I write articles to relate to the readers. Where Smart Canucks is concerned, I try to post something that concerns Canadians + budget which is the underlying theme for deals, coupons, etc.
YES, I definitely used “gypped” to mean “cheated” or “swindled” and obviously, I do not find that term offensive, hence the usage. (My apologies to anyone of this European minority group – if you were offended.) In addition, I think the masses know the slang meaning of this term, as opposed to it being a racial slur, and therefore there is no further need to expand on that particular sentence or idea.
I also write in a non-pc fashion ’cause this is my pet peeve and I think the majority of readers can appreciate this. I do not believe in watering down my feelings, using bland terms, to try and appease everyone ’cause that’s just impossible.
In terms of “Jewed” being on the same level as “gypped”, I completely disagree. I would NEVER use the former ’cause it is truly offensive.
Yup had a similar experience. It was a friends bday and we went to a fine dining place. I ate like a $20.00 dish.. but ended up paying $50 because the others were drinking beers and ordering steaks each costing $50.00 and of course the bday boy dont pay… so I was kinda pissed off.. The people we paid for wasnt even my friends.. grr.. learned my lesson.. Just tell the waiter to make a seperate bill..
well… this had happened to me many many times with my highschool friends. That’s one of the reasons why my BF hates hanging out with my highschool friends. I don’t dine out that often so I usually just “accept” the bill but I do feel unfair sometimes. Especially when dining at a high end restaurant when all I ordered was a main and they all ordered soup, appetizers, main, sparkling water etc…….
i absolutely believe the term was used innocently, and doesn’t deserve a slamming. however, when it is pointed out that it is, in fact, an ethnic slur, everyone who didn’t know better (and i know it’s necessarily a well-known fact) should take that to heart and just agree within themselves to not use it in the future.
justifying it as something that ‘is just something people say’ doesn’t really make it okay, in my mind. plenty of people in the past used words we wouldn’t dare utter today for that exact same reason.
it’s okay to not know, but once we all do, then just take that knowledge and apply it.
people attacking one another over the whole thing makes no sense.
peace out.
Well said, Andie.
Why is it so difficult to apologize and substitute the term in the article?
Great article otherwise…
Well, screamy, you and Kim can ride in the sunset together. Both of you must be prejudiced in some way or another, why be so paranoid and defensive??? And you are “educated on this topic”? Awww, how quaint. And how typical. Your honkyness is always all-knowing, eh? Of course.
I would never dare equate “jewed” (whick Kim brought up) with “gypped”. Stephania used the term innocently. Get over it.
I also agree with Andie.
I realize most people aren’t familiar with the derogatory connotations of the word “gypped”, but I think once you do know, you should stop using it. It’s really easy to use the words “ripped off” instead.
Gypped=gypsies, AKA Roma, who others have described here. I think many here also don’t understand the outright hatred towards the Roma in Europe.
I always ask for separate cheques…period. It only takes one time. I used to work in a restaurant and there were ALWAYS problems with large groups and split bills. Someone always gets screwed. We watch what we spend in restaurants, and when there is a large group, if they choose to get a bunch of stuff between them, we will politely decline, and then request to the server a separate cheque, and then get our own things. Maybe seen as rude by others in the party, but we don’t want to deal with the cheque afterwards. We pay ours, and off we go.
I’m with Nic and Andie.
agree with marg – apologize and substitute the term, lets move on. good article, good discussion.
im not surprised people get so defensive when you point out something that may be offending someone else.. they always seem to brush it off as “your to sensitive” and say things like get over it, or i cant write an article with out being offensive, or people are so offended these days.
they wouldnt dare take a moment and think to themselves, oh i can see how someone might feel about that word, no they have to blame the person for speaking up when someone says something ignorant, they only care about themselves. im not surprised those types of trashy people share the same traits.
honestly, the last line was not the only part of the article that made me roll my eyes. Stop complaining and calling your friends cheap.. Get new ones or speak up for yourself and get your own bill if you dont like it.
Lastly, i would like to give the author the benefit of the doubt and assume she didnt realize she was offending a group. if someone chooses to continue to defend using the word then i guess that just proves she meant it and doesnt care
camaroguy, you seem full of yourself. YOU get over it. And you sound like a hick.
Wow! Yes, I definitely agree with several people on here! DO NOT AGREE TO THE 1 BILL IDEA! It is the worst idea ever and usually thought up by someone who is ordering something overpriced but doesn’t want to pay…
I have friends who always want to do this split the bill idea.. I just say sorry, I’m going to be ordering something from the more expensive menu and I am not participating in this split the bill idea because it will be unfair to some of you… (Remain firm no matter how much prodding your friends try to do)..
BTW: Its good to know that Gypped is an offensive term. However I agree with Sally that the writer of this blog did not mean to offend anyone.
this has been the ongoing sad story of my life, where i am always picking up other people’s tabs. Me being a vegetarian, either get few things ordered for me which are vegetarian and these commonless people never bother to think that’s all i can eat, but go ahead and start eating these dishes first and there’s hardly anything left for me and i come home hungry while paid a hefty amount for somebody else dinner.
L6941. I think maybe it’s time you step back. You aren’t doing yourself any favours.
The fact that a writer does not mean to be offensive when using a word doesn’t mean that they haven’t been. I’ve known for years that the term “gypped” is offensive but that doesn’t mean that everyone else does. I personally try not to use language that hurts others, even if I think they are being a bit too sensitive. Why upset people? That said, let’s not make a federal case out of this. We all make inadvertent errors and the true test is whether or not we make the same error over and over again. So, unless the original poster continues to use this particular word repeatedly in the future, then let’s all give her a break!!!!
Wow, some people must read articles JUST so they can find something to be offended about. Many Romani have taken to officially using the word gypsy in their various organizations names. I bet they wouldn’t be half as offended as the politically correct readers this forum attracts. Unreal!
L6941…..”honky-ness”………….are you for real??
Whenever we have gone out, it is always separate bills. There is no other way for us. As soon as the server comes to take any order we always say so. There is never a question, and I would not hesitate to speak up if it were. I prefer to pay for what I get.
wtf, we Chinese people fight over the bill so they can pay for everyone. We never do separate bills. There’s no awkwardness when it comes to the final bill. It just depends who gets to fight for it haha. Man you Caucasian people need to stop being so greedy.
Re: Lanny
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
==================================
Re: Andie
Who the hell are you to tell me what to do? Didn’t you already “peace out”? Can’t help yourself, can you? 🙂
Frig…this happened when my wife and I went out with my best friend to celebrate his birthday with his wife’s friends. He wanted me to be there because he wasn’t that comfortable with his wife’s friends. We knew that the steakhouse was expensive so we didn’t order that much and since we don’t drink we didn’t order alcohol. And what happened? Just like you the smart girl said to split the bill. What can I do? Offend my best friend’s wife and cause him to have a headache? That was painful. Waiting for the bill the smart girl talked about her business plan of opening this business she saw work in Japan. All she need is seed money and wanted $5000 from us for seed money. I had enough and shot big time holes in her plans since it was the stupidest thing that I’ve ever heard. Needless to say that I don’t go to any events my best friend’s wife’s friends attend.
Smart people are sometimes the stupid people that think they can take advantage of others.
I am not sure if this has been covered, but if you are in a larger group – some establishments don’t let you split the bill and automatically add the 15% gratuity. Or, maybe that is just a Toronto thing?
Groups at restaurants–some places have a group charge if the group is of a certain number or more. In fairness to the food servers, who are being paid legal min. wage which is lower than the retail or office min. wage, that is a whole lot of work. If a group outing is known in advance, someone needs to be the designated person to inquire ahead of time if having to reserve seats about the charge. The group outing at last moment’s notice–you have to really know who you can afford to do that with.
I am all for separate bills before ordering. Also, if the work group might be doing a round of drinks, I have in the past decided to ensure that there is an appetizer or a nibble plate that everyone can have a taste of on my tab–nice to share something while everyone’s waiting for their drinks and it helps others to figure out their food orders (and possibly an appetizer to share with the group-it has happened-on their tab). I’m not a big fan of drinking alcohol on an empty stomach.
I’m sad that friends can sometimes leave friends in a financial lurch with their plans to go out. It is also an etiquette puzzle, especially if a ride with someone entails a requirement to bear through any other “outing” plans after the meal without finding out if passenger wishes to attend or have an offer of his/her way paid by driver friend or not. Funny how manners still matter in 2011–so many ways to communicate but there are plenty of misunderstandings occurring.
My sister is very generous; people took advantage of her kindness. My sister’s friend and her husband from back home came to visit; they had been stayed in my sister home for a few weeks. We eat out frequently, so my sister ended up paying for their every meal. One time, six of us went out for dinner, I decided to teach them a lesson, so when the bill came, I suggested to split it. They look shocked when I said that, they explained that they didn’t have cash on them; so I told them to pay with credit card, and we will give them cash for our share.
Who travel half of the world with no cash on them? I would think most tourist carry bunch of cash, maybe I was wrong.
It drives me nuts at some restaurants that insist large groups be on 1 bill…then we all have to sit there and figure out our share! Or worse, I hate how restaurants add the tip for you… If I liked the service, I will tip accordingly. I find it highly insulting when restaurants feel they can add the tip for you!
And my husband is always stating that the term gypped is offensive. I use it, and he gets on my case about it. Quite frankly, I know many African Americans who refer to themselves as some quite derogatory names. Each person’s moral compass should guide them.
OMG…SUCK IT UP. If you’re too bloody cheap just stay home. I wonder what your friends even see in you. You’re obviously not in the same class. You’re better off eating at your local salvation army. But then you’d probably bitch because the other person got a bigger piece of bread than you. Sheesh. When you’re on your death bed, will you think of all the wonderful memories you missed out on just so you have a nice bank account. All that money ain’t going to buy you more time and definitely you can’t take it with you.
So a lot has been said about the whole “gypped” issue – I was going to agree with the point of just changing the word and moving on, only I see that it has already been changed to “rypped” which I am happy about. Like someone else stated in the comments, not meaning to offend does not mean you haven’t. Yes, it is all too simple to offend someone today, but it’s about more than political correctness here. I would equate “gypped” with “jewed” as well.
@Insane,
Regardless of what those African Americans refer to themselves as, it doesn’t make it okay to say what they say. Sometimes groups that have been marginalized use the very ugly terms used against them, against themselves …. simply to reduce the power of the word. It doesn’t mean anyone else should follow suit.
@ Chuck, wow you have obviously never been broke in your life. Some people live paycheck to paycheck and can’t afford to foot the bill for someone elses over indulgence. Having been a broke student I still wanted to enjoy time out with my friends, but on my budget. It must be nice for you to have lots of disposable income.
Luckily my friends and co-workers always ask for seperate bills so I’ve never had to deal with the split the cheque evenly situation. When on vacation and staying with family and friends I usually pay for the bill. I make more money then most of my friends and since they are nice enough to let me stay with them I feel like I should do something to say thanks. They don’t expect it but I know they appreciate it.
I have made a very deliberate choice not to drink alcohol (my partner’s father was killed by a drunk driver and my mother was also hit by one, and luckily survived) and so when drinkers try to split the bill, much of which consists of the cost of alcoholic beverages, I usually speak up and make a point of the fact that I don’t drink and refuse to pay for alcohol. Unfortunately, in some social situations, speaking up becomes difficult and/or awkward. On top of that, what I find most infuriating, is being referred to as “cheap” for not participating in the split.
While I am lucky in that my closest friends and I do not experience these problems, they seem to arise in circumstances of acquaintances or coworkers.
One strategy that a friend shared with me recently: his group of friends tend to eat out a lot at pricey restaurants. He and his partner will eat at home and tell the group “we’re running late, go ahead and order without us – we’ll meet you for dessert” and so they get the benefit of socializing and meeting up with friends, while only having to incur the cost of an after dinner drink or dessert.
Another strategy that I’ve used when the bill comes as one big one for the group, often as the sober person at the table and having strong math and memory skills, is to calculate everyone’s portion of the bill based on what they ordered (with tax and tip) and gently letting them know how much they should put in, offering to help make change if I get a comment like “I only have a $20” or writing down the precise amount to be charged to their specific credit card/debit card. It frustrates me when the same people are always generous and being taken advantage of by others who never seem to feel obligated to pay their share.
As for the vocabulary, I must admit that I slightly winced at the term, but appreciate that through its discussion, there are now more people aware of it, where it came from, and its effect when used/read by others.
There is another word that I came across recently meaning stingy that I gasped at reading, only to look into it and discover its of Scandinavian/Germanic origin and non-offensive definition: niggardly. This word has nothing to do with what I thought it did. As urban dictionary describes it: “word that will get u fired…even though it doesn’t mean anything offensive”.
Oh my goodness! My grandparents always go to this fancy restraunt like 5 times a year and they bring along 25 people every time! I don’t even want to think of what the bill comes to! :p I love them so much! <3
Unfortunately some people just don’t “get it” that not everybody wants to pick up the tab for them. Call them “priviledged” or whatever, I get sick & tired of having to cover their “shortfall” with the bill or the tip. Also, a group of us get together about 4 times a year, and one particular person always is “tentative” as to whether or not she will show up – which means that she “always” gets off the hook to bring anything that would be critical to the meal. It’s not fair the other 3 of us have to arrange and pay for all the dishes to be served, while she gets off with the “bread” or a “bag of chips”. It just plain cheap to behave like that!
Stefania… Jewed and gypped are the same types of words. Exactly the same. They’re both slurs on an ethnic group created for derogatory purposes. The only difference is that north Americans are not as aware of that culture as they are of Jewish people. It’s obviously offending people, and I’m curious why you don’t know things like these as someone who wants to be a writer – I literally learned this my very first day writing for my high school’s paper… Offensive terms are offensive terms, it doesn’t matter if you meant it as such. Look into the etymology (word origins) of the term, and edit your work to cover your behind!
Amy says…
May 24, 2011 at 10:20 pm
“…I would equate “gypped” with “jewed” as well.”
WHAT???!!!! Are you kidding me???
@Karen – Nope, they never taught Political Correctness in any of the classes that I took and THANK GOD! I think if I learned that, I wouldn’t have received 1 single, solitary comment on this post.
Someone already made this comment, but what I don’t find offensive, others will…obviously. And it’s to the point where we nitpick on one word as opposed to just commenting on the topic at hand.
Sorry nits if I have offended you!
Sadly, a similar thing has happened to me. And I have always asked for separate bill since then. I have always been on a tight budget, so after the 1 fiasco, I made sure never again.
Unfortunately, now restaurants now force the tipping down your throats when you eat in a group setting instead of allowing you to decide on your own. I was shocked when I was forced to pay 20% tip for a small sandwich/salad combo and coffee. Not that I mind paying a tip, but I hardly needed the constant attention that everyone else did. And the higher tip amount broke my budget. The restaurant said they raise the tip percentage for groups as there is someone who doesn’t pay and that compensates for it. So now, I avoid group settings…
Karen says…
May 25, 2011 at 12:31 am
“Stefania… Jewed and gypped are the same types of words. Exactly the same.”
Tell that to the victims of Mengele and Hitler . EXACTLY the same? Seriously?!
I dont know who is offended more.. the people who stand up for the rights of others and try to make the world a better place.. or the ones who are unwilling to try and put themselves in someone else’s shoes and honestly think for a moment the true reason people are speaking up.. I guess all they can say is “oh your being to sensitive or you all nit pick to much”
god forbid you grow as a person.
L6941 your just not worth the reply.. honestly lol
I was laughing from the word “knob” on! No one likes to get gipped or ripped off. Slang is slang, people. Next thing you know, we’ll be discussing the offensiveness of wishing people “Merry Christmas”. Beautifully written and has made my morning! Thank you so much 🙂
Sue
I love these discussions that you trigger. Well worth printing the whole thing and bringing it to the cottage to read with a glass of wine.
Yup! It’s always the ones who splurge the most on themselves and who probably make the most $$ who have this brilliantly democratic plan to “split the bill”.
Now when it’s my time to order I switch to booming voice when I say: “Make sure that we have separate bills, please”. I am a generous person, but not a fool.
I recently went out with friends for lunch, and since there were only three of us, we didn’t have separate bills, but just figured out what each one of us owed for our meals. After I got home, I realized that I forgot to include my coffee when I figured out my share, and that my friends covered it without saying anything. I felt guilty! I wish one of them would have told me, and I would have added to what I owed. It was not intentional and we all make mistakes, so I think it’s always better to speak up when in doubt, especially if people are drinking alcohol, which makes us think less clearly…
As for the derogatory term I was not aware of it either, so thanks everyone for letting me know about its connotations and origin. As I said, we all make mistakes…
How about simple truth next time – arrive and firmly but politely state you are paying for your own on a separate bill. Period. End of story.
As expected, the usual bunch of complaining peeps clinging to the word – oh Canada! 🙂
on the topic – I do not understand the tactic of lying about running late and only having drinks? Why not just tell your friends you cannot afford fancy places all the time? I don’t that’s cool at all. All of my friends have been students before, poor or not, and we have no problems telling each other if we cannot afford a night out eating + drinking. My personal pet peeve are birthday/big group outings organized by someone else, with a price tag attached per person.. like $75 or something. Like wow, last time I checked none of us were millioners!
I’m beginning to question why you’re fighting so hard for your right to use a word that you now know is an ethnic slur.
Also, “I’m sorry that you were offended by what I said” is not an apology since it gives off the impression that you don’t think you did anything worth aplolgizing for.
I agree with Rachel. It was a good blog post, but I am more likely to pay attention to people’s views when they don’t appear stubborn or closed-minded.
@ Rachel:
“Fighting so hard”? Stephania already apologized.
@ TallNFunny:
You are “more likely to pay attention to people’s views when they don’t appear stubborn or closed-minded.”??? You are hilarious.
Get over yourselves you coddled, self-entitled brats! This is her site/blog and you are nothing but a reader. If you don’t like what she wrote, move on. You don’t own the site and you’re not paying her to write. You are both too sensitive and stupid. Go to Africa and see the real world.
In the four years that I’ve been reading and using Smart Canucks, this is the first time I have been truly upset by it.
Stephania, I really thought that you used the offensive word simply because you didn’t know any better. Now, realizing that you just don’t care if what you write offends people, I’ve lost a lot of respect for what you have to say. I guess it’s fine to write whatever you want on a personal blog, but this is not a personal blog. You are representing Smart Canucks and, at this point, you are discouraging me from coming to this site. Calling your readers “nits” because they have tried to educate you is not good PR; You now seem defensive and stubborn. Your one-word flub in the blog post didn’t bother me nearly as much as your subsequent comments. I honestly hope that Boo and Sally and whoever else is in charge of moderating things will keep a close eye on you in the future.
L6941, this has nothing to do with Hitler. People do not say “jewed” because it implies that Jewish people as a whole will always bargain unfairly or haggle excessively in order to make themselves rich because they are cheap and/or greedy. People do not say “gypped” because it implies that Roma people as a whole are thieves and cheats. These words propagate negative stereotypes and, though you may never have met someone they personally offend, they do attack a specific ethnic group and they are offensive.
Sue, “Merry Christmas” is a term of goodwill with its base meaning being that the speaker wishes you a pleasant day or season. Though Christmas is traditionally a religious holiday and, obviously, it is not celebrated by everyone, the phrase is nothing like the hurtful two we have been discussing. Which brings me back to one of my earlier thoughts… this is not just about being politically correct.
@L6941
Last I checked, you are nothing but a reader as well.
Real world? We’re living in it. You might want to step into the real world and spew the hateful comments you’ve been typing, and see where that gets you out there.
@L6941
It’s easy to hide behind a computer screen typing things under a random alpha-numeric username. I’m sure you’d be hiding in the corner tight-lipped if this were an in-person discussion group.
@ TallNFunny
I’m not the North American weakling with soft palms, my dear. I can pummel you with my saliva alone. You’re upset that I pointed out the fact that you are a self-entitled. Get over yourself.
@ Oh Wow
Stop inserting yourself in other people’s conversations. And stop being so high and mighty. I have a problem with people equating gypped with Jewed. You dont know what the real world is. Have you even been out of the country????
@ freestuffforme
You were the one who brought this up yesterday — you’re the one who baited and prompted this whole argument, you bored, good for nothing. gypped will never be as offensive as Jewed, you ignorant.
You “hope that Boo and Sally and whoever else is in charge of moderating things will keep a close eye on you in the future”??? Hahaha! LOL get over yourself, high priestess.
I’m beginning to think that L6941 must be a troll.
How could someone possibly be filled with that much vitriol?
Because it’s sure to come up:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_(Internet)
Dang it, link didn’t work. Google Internet Troll and you’ll find it.
I think those that are offended by the gypped word better also complain to dictionary.com and other such sites / companies. Those are actually defined as
–noun
2.
a swindle or fraud.
3.
Also, gyp·per [jip-er] Show IPA, gypster. a swindler or cheat.
@L6941-She didn’t apologize though. “I’m sorry that you’re offended” isn’t an apology. “I’m sorry I used a term that I now know is a racial slur” is an apology. If Stephania plans on being a writer for a living I assume she knows the difference. I would also hope she understands why it’s not a good idea to use said slur in a blog post directed at a general audience that might take offense to it.
She’s free to write whatever she pleases, I’m free to take my ad revenue to a site that doesn’t defend the right to use racial slurs as slang.
Now were going to argue if she apologized the way people want or not? Really? She apologized the word is removed.
@ Rachel
Are you a Romani? Have you met Romani people? Have you even been to Romania???
“I’m free to take my ad revenue to a site…” — there goes your self-entitlement again. Get. Over. Yourself. And goodbye!!!
Stephania used the word innocently. She apologized. The End.
I liked this post !
I am usually the person that ends up paying more than my share – sometimes my fault/my purpose because I like to treat my friends sometimes because I know they can’t really afford it etc. but sometimes I just feel taken advantage of when they expect it or don’t even offer to pay for something they have ordered.
Oh, and about gypped? 1) I had no idea it was a “bad word” that apparently you get condemned for using. and 2) I’d really like to know out of the people that are bashing Stephania for using it, how many say things like “retarded” or “that’s gay”, on a daily basis.
@Sally,
I’m a little surprised that L6941’s comments have not been deleted. I’m sure if the word wh!re were to be directed at somebody on the brag forum or the deals forum, that post would be deleted immediately – so why is it any different here?
@Sally,
I’m a little surprised that comments such as ones that aim the word whor! at somebody haven’t been deleted. I’m sure if that term were to be used on the brag or deal forums, the post would be deleted asap, so why is it any different here?
it has already been deleted, why do you like to stir and bait?
“At the time, I had chosen to be unemployed to focus on my writing, full-time.”
How did that go for you?
I’m not talking about political correctness, Stephania. I’m talking about the English language and its origins. And really… if you feel the need to resort to shock value to get readers… don’t quit your day job. Sorry, there’s no way to say that nicely, but I say this as someone who actually makes a living as a writer who is respected in my community.
L6941, I believe they were talking about deleting you for calling people names:
Here are just a few of things you called people in these comments:
“you are a self-entitled twit.”
“a hick”
“Are you an extremist or just stupid?”
“Both of you must be prejudiced…. Your honkyness is always all-knowing, eh?”
“you coddled, self-entitled brats!”
and, lastly,
“You’re a typical ignorant honky. Stupid b!*ch.”
I have no idea why these posts are being tolerated either.
Also, for those of you arguing for the same side as L6941, you might want to think about your perspective if you are agreeing with someone like this.
@ Observer:
It’s always the guilty WASPs that are so defensive and paranoid about being so politically correct… why? beacuse Y’ALL are guilty! Deep down, you are prejudiced and you cringe at the slightest form of name-calling, however innocent or humorous it may be, even to the ethnic group that was referred to. You are bored and you jumped on Stephania. Your efforts will be more appreciated if you find a better cause. In real life.
And you believe they are going to delete me? Well, I am petrified, Mr. Belvedere. Have at it. 🙂
Lets stop attacking each other.
Wonderful post, Stephania, I enjoyed it very much and can relate. I, too, did not know that the original term used was derogatory. Hmm.. learn something new everyday.