As a graduate student and researcher I’ve come across loads of nonsense research papers that are worth less than the paper they were printed on. You’d be surprised how much of our tax money the Natural Sciences and Engineering Research Council of Canada (NSERC) wastes on utter and absolute rubbish.
The paper I’m about to present is actually not as bad as some other papers I’ve come across since it’s clear, well written and has a little bit of humour behind it I assume/hope.
A few scientists from the Department of Mathematics and Faculty of Medicine at the University of Ottawa and Carleton University published a paper entitled “When Zombies Attack!: Mathematical Modelling of an Outbreak of Zombie Infection“. They conclude that:
An outbreak of zombies infecting humans is likely to be disastrous, unless extremely aggressive tactics are employed against the undead. While aggressive quarantine may eradicate the infection, this is unlikely to happen in practice. A cure would only result in some humans surviving the outbreak, although they will still coexist with zombies. Only sufficiently frequent attacks, with increasing force, will result in eradication, assuming the available resources can be mustered in time.
Congratulations on using mathematical models to deduce what everyone already knows about a Sci-Fi creature! I’m guessing you guys have never watched a hollywood Zombie movie before?
Click here to read “When Zombies Attack!: Mathematical Modelling of an Outbreak of Zombie Infection”
Hmmm… why am I so angry?… oh right, it’s the boredom of writing my equally useful thesis that’s making me feel like a Zombie 😛
Wasn’t this published awhile ago? I remember reading about it whence I was preparing for teh Ottawa Zombie Walk. Or something. Besides, no body likes Ottawa U (Go Carleton!)
Yep it was posted in Aug 2009 I think… but I just came across it today while procrastinating lol
Boo, if you need more procrastination excuses, go watch the movie “I am Legend.” 😉 (Honest, this isn’t random.)
I think it was before August 2009, I remember still being in school when it came out.
What’s your thesis on, Boo?
Oh the procrastinations of a thesis writting student! Been there, done that! Personally, I chose to find papers written in other languages and use online translation programs to translate them! LOL 😉
Wonder what kind of mathematical models they are using… lol.
And I have to agree that they waste so much money on NSERC stuff. Professors nowadays use their NSERC funds to hire someone to do menial tasks like cleaning out basement storage rooms and go around to different universities to pick up soil samples.
Hey ‘all we want to do is eat your brains. We’re not unreasonable, I mean no ones going to eat your eyes.”
ahem *no one’s
You sometimes they publish papers just for fun. Like in their spare time, a group of researcher might collaborate on a April Fools Edition of like Science or Nature.
Not to rain on anyone’s parade, but this isn’t a paper about outbreaks of zombies infections. It’s an analysis of a mathematical model for the spread of an infectious disease, assuming that the spread of the disease follows some rules. These rules simply happen to be framed in the context of the mythical zombies, because, hey, mathematical biology papers aren’t usually read by people other than mathematical biologists.
And a crap load of people have heard of their results. Brilliant job.
Although this model may seem like nonsense, it actually has practical applications such as infectious diseases: i.e. TB, H1N1 influenza virus, etc. but putting the math into a “zombie model” A. got this study noticed B. stirred up publicity C. is just WAY more interesting! Judge you may, but would you really have read this paper if it was a mathematical model on the spread of TB in subsaharan Africa?
To “Someone” saying that this has practical applications, like other infectious diseases instead of the “zombie” disease: The conclusion says “unless extremely aggressive tactics are employed against the undead.” I’m assuming that destroying the zombie population is the tactic we should consider, correct? So if we apply this to real-world situations, like a TB outbreak, does that mean the best way to solve the issue is to destroy all who get infected?
I understand about having the model applied to an “interesting” subject, but I don’t see how it applies to the real world – even if the read is targeted to “biological mathematicians”… how about spending the money to find a cure on cancer – an actual, real-world problem??
I am actually a friend of Prof Smith? and I have worked with him. I reviewed the Zombie paper before it was published and I have been in the loop since the media caught the story. Prof. Smith? worked on this project while on vacation one summer, so no research funds were spent on it.
If anything, this paper is getting people to realize that mathematical modelling can be applied to a variety of diseases and possibly inspiring students. If anyone has more questions about the work, feel free to message me.
-Mike
Sean of the Dead…teee heee….procrastination often finds so many jems that it IS productive! 😀
Ignare paper. leeeave doors unlacked. Keep brains accezible.
Bahahahah! Zambrah! Love it.