Removed the post since it seems like it’ll just cause too much drama and offend many people.
Sorry!
9 Days till Christmas – Getting out of an abusive relationship
47 responses to “9 Days till Christmas – Getting out of an abusive relationship”
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This is a terrible story. Get police protection and run from this abusive animal. Anything has got to be better than this.
Good luck.
I feel for this woman and for her precious angels. She is very strong. I pray for her and her kids that their lives take a turn for the better and nothing less. They deserve to live a much happier and better life than the one that they have lived so far. I don’t want to wish evil on her husband. There is a God and her husband should remember that “what goes around will come around” even if, we do not live to see it happen. As you treat others so shall you be treated.
I’m not sure what her husband coming out as gay, or her lack of religion, has to do with this horrible story.
I’m also not sure what this is doing on a Canadian ‘deals’ blog. If the focus is changing, please let us know and I will promptly unsubscribe.
I wouldn’t wait till after Christmas! Call the cops and have him arrested, so you can enjoy holidays. All my best Lisa K.
asiak, SmartCanucks has been about more than just deals. Check out this section which has been running since 2006:
http://smartcanucks.ca/category/other-canada/
I’d also like to emphasize that this is pretty much my personal blog too.
If non-deals posts bother you please feel free to unsubscribe although I’d be sad to see you leave and do wish you stay.
I have to agree with asiak. I understand that other things are posted on this site… but this story, and the things that the author decided to share, does not belong here in my opinion. I work in the social services, and I have to question the above story. From my experience, abused women do not share the type of details such as the hot dog issue… there would be more emphasis on the overall relationship, therefore making me question the validity of this story. If this should be true, then I feel there are other sites where a story such as this one can be posted. If this story was posted as a countdown to christmas, and sharing christmas experiences, then I really have no idea why the decision was made to post this. In my opinion and preference, I think it should be removed.
You guys are right… I removed the post.
I just re-read your “warning” at the beginning of the post Boo, and as I can appreciate what you wrote, I simply do not understand what this has to do with christmas. I was not “offended” by the post, the details do not make any sense to me, as you seemed to hint on with the gay comment. again, not understanding why this was posted. If I wanted to read a story with this type of detail and point of view, then I could go to another site. If you were hoping to capture the abused women’s story, then I would suggest that you find a different story.
i apoligize… was writing at the same time you were. 😉
Well I asked members of the forum to submit their stories for the Christmas countdown and this was one of the submissions. It looks at Christmas from a different perspective: It perceives it as a source of hope, as a way of anticipating a better future. A Christmas without him was the indication that things are getting better… a symbol of hope… and I thought that meant a lot. Sure the description of abuse was disturbing and the “gay” part was totally irrelevant and unnecessary (there are abusive guys of all sexual orientations) but I think behind all this lies a true story and posting it and having others leave feedback gave that person hope and helped them get through their rough times. I felt bad about ignoring the whole email/story as if I had read nothing. But it seems like I’m the only one who saw it that way.
A year ago I would have left the story anyways. But now SmartCanucks is too large and going against the flow is really tough. I learned that with the “Sandwich Baby” post.
I would encourage this site to be more than ‘just deals’.
People should feel good about their purchases. Feeling good means that fairness has been a part of the process from factory to sales floor and from farm to fork.
Price at any cost is past thinking. Corporations and retailers have a responsibility to enforce human rights, environmental standards and reasonable sharing the wealth. Sadly that is not happening.
Too often manufactuers and retailers only try to put this ‘responsible’ mask on only at the point of purchase. Out of site, out of mind doesn’t cut it anymore.
Lets start to look beyond the checkout and see what is happening before our goods and services are provided for us. You may be surprised.
Boo, I think the way this story was told was not appropriate. I do understand your thoughts in posting it. I would be all for a story explaining an abused relationship, and finding their way out of it. Unfortunately, that story did not focus on the appropriate issues that would assist another person in a similar situation. I do apoligize for the way my comments above were written, as I was shocked at that story, and the way it had been explained. I would be all for a story about awareness and advocating for your family and chlidren, but I think it needs to be shared in a tasteful manner, where it helps people understand the issues that abused women, men and children face.
sorry I missed this story.
By the time I came on this morning, the story had already been removed so all I have are the comments. Yet, from the comments that I’ve read….I am going to go out on a limb and suggest that the story should not have been pulled.
Someone….out there….wrote to tell about their life; a reaching out for hope – a display of courage – a desire for safety and strength.
During this time of year, life is not all about ‘love and peace.’ There are many that are caught in pain!
Personally, I feel that keeping the story on could have offered the individual writing some small rays of hope and support from those of us that are less selfish.
I am sorry I missed the story as well and agree with Andrea that it should not have been pulled.
I worked many years at a shelter for abused women and children and the experience has taught me that it is very therapeutic to be able to “talk” to someone and have others hear their stories.
Christmas is many things to many people and to be narrow minded and want a story removed because it is not one we agree with is disappointing. I wish the individual that wrote the story peace over the holidays and hope for a brighter future.
I’m curious about the story. I understand why it had to be pulled though. I know that these comments have gotten me intrigued but its probably not out of genuine concern for this person I don’t know, rather more of ” Can’t help but look at the car wreck as you pass ” type of curiosity and that wont help anyone (I am not suggesting this is why others wish to read the post.)
Boo has to always err on the side of caution since this is such a public site now and as such has to lose some of the closeness that there once was.
I enjoy the community feeling of this site, but there are others who use this site to get the best deals, find freebies, and such, which really is the main focus.
Maybe post it in the forum if you want to share the story. I don’t see how anyone could complain about that. If “telling” the story is important to the author, that might be a suggestion. Maybe people won’t like the words the author chose or the terms they included but this is a personal experience and people will tell or not tell things in the way they feel like expressing it.
I think the idea is to foster some support and encouragement for this person and unfortunately the idea that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say it at all is completely lost on the internet. (not just in these comments or on this site.) So in the end it may do more good now that is it down
I hope the author still gets their gift card for sharing their story, it can’t have been an easy story to share. I give them credit, and I hope SmartCanucks does too.
I too missed the story, but wanted to add to ukonjacki’s comment…
My wife has worked at a shelter for abused woman for several years. She’s told me that domestic abuse rates typically get worse around the holidays, so I think the story’s subject was both timely and relevant.
It’s important for people to know that there are many different kinds of abuse — not just physical, but emotional, financial, etc. Often people who are in abusive situations don’t understand the ways in which they are abused, or are made to feel like the problems are all their fault. Here’s a good overview on signs of abuse: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
Often abuse victims feel trapped in their situation, but there are ways to get out. People should also know that there are many social services (shelters, longer term housing, emergency funding, free counselling) for abuse victims and their children. Here’s a site that can help people to find support or shelter in their area: http://www.shelternet.ca/en/women/find-a-shelter/
As ukonjacki said, abused women (and men) often just want to be heard. I’ve only been with SC for a short while, but I know it is much more than a site for sharing coupons and deals. So I think Boo should be applauded for giving the writer of the story a chance to share her story, and for bringing awareness to an important social problem.
I did read the story and even though some parts were not what people might want to read, life isn’t always pretty, is it?
And there was a warning beforehand, so you don’t have to read it.
I did not feel offended.
Actually I am appalled at how much people sometimes whine and complain about the one or other post and expect it to be removed right away, because it’s not appropriate in their opinion.
Personally, I always enjoyed that smartcanucks was more like a personal blog, not just a pure deal hunt blog.
would you please provide a link for those of us who do wish to view it?
Thanks for the reminder of the baby sandwhich. WE DO NOT need a “baby sandwhich crisis” right before xmas. 😀
I’m with moo, I wish I could read the story please provide a link, I don’t understand why a few bad comments early on make it that the rest of us can’t read it and make our own minds.
My father used to beat my mother and I wish she’d have posted it online at the time, if the internet even existed!
I support the fact that it was removed. Simply put this is a deals blog not a social issues blog – there are plenty of those already out there.
I’m glad you decided to remove the post.
I’m all for variety in a blog. My personal view is that despite the honesty and emotional subject matter, the article was poorly written and somewhat offensive.
I love SmartCanucks and appreciate all the hard work you’ve put into it!
Oh, the baby sandwich drama was interesting to say the least.
And I know that SC is not only about deals. In fact, SC has seen me through many things, my abusive relationship, my divorce (from a good man, not my abuser),my seizures, my drama getting pregnant and then keeping my pregnancy all the way until now. SC is my family and my place to go and talk at 3am when no one is picking up the phone.
I love this community and I understand what Boo is saying about the other side of Christmas. Please do post a link to where the rest of us can read the story. If there was a warning people didn’t have to read it.
I agree with the PP. I would love to read this story too. If there was a warning, people didn’t have to read on. It’s their own fault. Life is not all pretty & dandy.
I read the story early in the morning Boo has been posting stories that had to do with the Christmas time and peoples takes on it or stories either fiction or non-fiction. Everyone of these stories I have seen so far have been the joys of Christmas and for this one person the joy will be her motivation to leave her abusive partner. We talk about how things like that shouldn’t be on a forum, but things like that happen everyday in someone else’s lives which happen not to be our own. This person who is leaving her partner will need all the support she can get for it is very hard to realize that the person you love is abusing you and its not your fault that abuse has happened. She does have responsibility now to take care of her children and show them what is suppose to be the way we treat someone else.
Maybe the story wasn’t all so nice to see or read during a time looking for deals and stuff but there was a warning on it that it was not going to be PG. Yet this person shared a piece of herself to all of us maybe it was a signal for help, maybe it wasn’t or maybe it was signal to all of us that Christmas is different for those who go through domestic violence everyday and that we cannot just sweep it under the rug hoping it all go away. I commend Boo taking up the courage to post it and I commend those who do make the effort to take domestic violence out of their lives.
I want to read the story, too. We all could have learned something from reading it. The woman needs all the support and help she can get. It’s not easy to end a relationship, even(or especially) an abusive one.
You’ve peaked my interest now. What is a sandwich baby?
I would love to read the story too.
and what is the sandwich baby ?
OK Boo, you opened this one up – what is/was the Sandwich Baby?
The baby sandwhich was posted by Jim Squires, basically it depicted a guy whom made a huge Sandwhich and put his newborn baby in it and was pretending to take a bite. It was a “joke” picture of poor taste.
Anyways people thought it was recent and were calling the childrens aid society and such. It got really crazy, some found it funny some were severlly appalled.
This is why sometimes I say “nobody puts baby in a sandwhich” rather then a corner 😉 so now u know.
Thanks Sally 🙂
I’ve read this story last night, and was about to comment but wanted to see how others reacted beforehand.
The problem with this story, however, was not simply that she was in an abusive relationship or with a man that happened to be gay, but rather, the things that have happened to her should never have happened to anyone, married or not. She was married to a monster – a cruel, inhumane human being. It’s horrible enough that such a man could be living with us in this world, but worst that this woman was actually in a marriage with him, to face this evil man all alone. My heart goes to Lisa K. – I am sorry for what you have experienced and am happy to hear you were able to leave him.
I disagree that this story should be removed. Do not raise a blind eye for all the people that may need our help out there.
Everyone also has to remember that there are always 2 sides to every story and her partner cannot defend himself. I’m not saying that this didn’t happen but in my mind, if he were gay, which really had nothing to do with giving her a weiner that she said had his feces on it but then she said that it had fallen in the fire so not sure if the fire ashes or his feces were on the weiner. Just trying to imagine them sitting at a campfire and out of nowhere he stuffs a weiner that had either fallen in the fires ashes OR had his feces on it in her mouth? Just like that? I don’t know what to think. It didn’t make me excited about Christmas in a Christmas countdown though. Just my opinion.
That made my head spin.
I did not get to read the article how ever i can see the emotion it has stirred up. My disbelief is that some people are saying this was the incorrect place for this person to post the article. I am assuming this person was crying out for help? seeking advice? If so, How can we shame the author for choosing this site? If someone was being attacked and came to my door i wouldnt send them away and say, no dear.. go across the street to their house, a police officer lives there.. I would help them get the help they needed. What ever words this person used were only her feelings, true emotion of her situation. Abuse is never pretty. I cant believe anyone would think its not true, i dont think that is for any of us to decide.
I truly hope this person finds the help she needs and there are people out there willing to give it to her.
to the Author, If you are reading this and i can do anything to help, please let me know!!
Wow…I don’t know what to say after these comments.I never read the submission. Well if the story came with a warning like…This Christmas Story submission is P.G. rated, with serious overtones, may offend some, if this is you do not read further.Thank-you!
Your call Boo…tough one!
I do not think the ones who requested for this article to be removed are right. This story was told the way it was because she wanted us to understand the horrors she had to go through. They had no right to say this story was tasteless, for it was her own story, from her own experiences, and stemmed from her own emotions. They also had no right to judge the validity of her story.
I think if you were to post something like this, Write about someone that spent christmas in an abused womens shelter, as I have had to do, having a christmas truly without him and being in a safe place is hopeful I can tell you. However, as I have experience with this, this type of posting that you made was simply not a good idea. I did tend to focus on the little things too like the author, but I would never risk my own ass by posting it to a website that has discussions that can be be viewed by all who wish to read them, so either this story is false or exxagerated, or this poor woman has been put in greater danger by posting this. They do check the web history, believe you me, and they can find ways of doing it even if the history is cleared. If he read this before it was removed, she could be in real danger right now. I dont know why on earth you did not foward a copy of the email to the police, they can sometimes find them by the email address.
Bottom line, you have either unwittingly perpetrated a lie, or have put this woman in danger.
I am sorry for being blunt, but such is the reality of such relationships a lot of the time
Dear Author,
I have not read your story and i do not know you. It would seem that you are in trouble and came here for help. Please do not be discouraged by some of the above comments questioning you. There really are some people out there who care and can help.
Shame on them for trying to make you feel guilty or wrong for the way you chose to seek help.. there is no incorrect way, perhaps there are better ways yes but perhaps this is the only way you felt comfortable talking about it or the only way you were ready to tell your story.
If you need a friend, a pen pal, what ever.. im just a PM away.
for the people that judge the author.. may you never be in trouble and need help.. god forbid you run into someone that doesnt believe you…
Whats worse.. a person telling a lie? or someone not helping a person truly in need because you “think” you know better then anyone else? I have seen more compassion when people loose their coupons.. honestly if ever a time of year for compassion, its now.
I pray the author is safe tonight and not afraid to seek help if needed.
Hugs airline guy, you sound like a great guy 🙂
Airline Guy, I couldn’t have said it any better…kudos to you, and here’s to hoping the “Author” of that letter is safe and gets the help she needs….
It seems like the majority of people that said the story should not have been removed are the ones that didn’t get a chance to read it. And Airline guy, it was written for a $15 gift card for the Christmas countdown, not just a cry for help. I don’t know, i think the ppl who didn’t read it are picturing a different very sad story but IMO she just sounded bitter and claimed he said he was gay but i know alot of women who get mad at their spouses and call them gay. Not saying he’s NOT gay but it had absolutely NOTHING to do with the abusive she claims she went through with him, NOTHING at all, so not sure why she stated that.
I read the story the moment it was posted and kinda wanted to make a comment but I just couldn’t figure out what to say. It just struck me as bizarre. It’s neither provable or disprovable. If it’s true then it’s really tragic and if it’s not true then that’s pretty sad, too. Regardless, whoever wrote this needs some loving help. Perhaps the most cogent comment was winue (post #6). This is truly something for a professional.
Boo, kudos for your motivation for posting (I missed reading it, already removed by the time I was on SC). We live in a world where people are afraid to bring up ‘uncomfortable’ topics, and it’s refreshing that there are Canadians that want to create a dialogue. While some people’s discussion expresses disapproval and disappointment at directs that to you personally, you’ve succeeded in bringing about a forum to discuss how people feel about such a topic.
I’d like to point out that, on average, the people who post comments on SC are usually very respectful and reasonable. There’s clearly a maturity of your subscribers, and that’s also encouraging.
Boo, please keep up the great work. While I personally dispise Christmas, it’s been a pleasure reading through the stories you’ve posted to date. It triggers various memories for me, at a time of the year that I typically feel like a Grinch!
And for all those SC subscribers, please continue to offer your thoughts and comments, because all (good and bad) offer each of us insight and an opportunity to learn more and grow!
I hope the woman who initially went through this ordeal, has found peace, and strength and good health.
A lot of abusive partners would surely question why the abused partner is getting gift cards in the mail. It is not uncommon for the abusive partner to hold the mail key or to be sure to check the mail first. This would present a real problem if he demanded that she explain where it came from and why.
Just for me, I would never take that risk either as an abused person or someone trying to help.
Kudos to airline_guy for your last comment. 🙂 You have been eloquent in areas where I have only remained objective. You have a good heart.
For the individual that claimed to work for the social services, it is a pity that someone such as you cannot have more compassion. Not all cases are the same, and this story, if true, is indeed one of the more extreme cases for it does not only detail abuse, but general inhumanity as well. If you were to hold disbelief, it is no wonder that the voices of such individuals who need our help are often suppressed.
For the rest of the individuals that disapproved of this story, I am afraid many were just personally offended by that “gay” comment. Please do not try to dismiss others simply because of personal offense.
Remember that compassion makes the lives of everyone around you better, not just ourselves.
Perhaps the idea that this individual should be talking to a professional was the best one after all – regardless of approval for this article or not. And to comment on my own opinions expressed here – well, I’m only 19 so I really may not know as much as I think I do.
That is all – regardless if this article stays removed or not and the opinions of those towards it, this will be my last comment on this depressing matter.